Toasted!Zine – MAY 11/2004
VOLUME II – ISSUE XV
by Amy Johnson

For Starters...
I'm not a very happy camper this week. Brandon's currently off obsessing over a bunch of things he doesn't need to be, and he hasn't done a thing for this week's edition and Darren... is being less than helpful. Now I'm left to pick up the slack. Perfect.

Don't be surprised to see a few things that are a bit off this week. The gushing over Marvel titles in general will be kept to a minimum in the Comic Shop Hopping section, which I'm doing this week (shocker...) for the first time in several months. I won't be calling Brandon immature in this week's Toasted!News Boxers because of anything he's going to (or I guess has already) said, because there isn't one, but expect me to scribble out a Later... or whatever he calls that section at the end that he sometimes includes and sometimes doesn't.

Other than that, there's not much going on. If you're disappointed with this week's offering, go pester Brandon. It's all his fault anyway.

-Amy.

Comic Shop Hopping
Amy's Reviews

Liberty Meadows #36 – Image Comics ($2.95 US/$3.90 Can.)
I was almost appalled at how this comic is almost like a twisted Bizarro version of this misery that I call my life. The style and general situation of this issue of Liberty Meadows isn't much of a change from previous issues, with the exception of the impending marriage, so I really shouldn't have been shocked by the reality, but it was still very unsettling. It's also beside the point.

Just like every issue, Frank Cho is churning out a well balanced mix of very serious drawings and super silly ones that swirl in a nice little vortex of monkey infested existence, and the result is a joy to read and behold. I can't wait for the all new Liberty Meadows content that should be coming everyone's way in June, although with Image's track record in general, and Frank's own "drawing a strip a day is hard" comment, who knows?

4 / 5

Y – The Last Man #22 – DC Comics/Vertigo ($2.95 US/$4.50 Can.)
Vaughan loves his own titles and it shows. Yes, Mystique was (grudgingly, I admit) good, but Runaways is a hidden gem that Marvel is going to cancel with issue #18 (I'm sure of it), despite it's near perfection in cut and quality, and Y is of the same vein, minus the cancellation part.

Things that appeared to be a character's show of strength last issue immediately and believably dissolve into an act of desperation in this issue, and the fate of a well liked character is left in doubt (although since the character is so likeable and apparently short term, conclusions can be drawn fairly easily). This is one of the only titles that has me actually waiting for the next issue, rather than just being content knowing it'll be there eventually every month.

And the art isn't a slouch either, despite being a fill-in for the great (IMO) Pia Guerra. Kudos to Parlov there.

Negation War #2 – CrossGen ($2.95 US/ [Var.] Can.)
Tony Bedard was a good choice for this title. He's sticking around the woefully sinking CrossGen ship, and the story here is living up to the epic expectations (or so I assume). Even though this issue is more of a hold-over than a progression of anything, there's a definite non-Marvel epic quality to the story telling and style, and the pics, although not by Perez like originally thought, are still wonderful.

This better end. But if it doesn't there is still these coming out next week to tie me over...

LADY DEATH: THE WILD HUNT #2
EL CAZADOR #6

You should buy them too.


Behind the 'Zines
episode eleven – progressions, noticeable and unnoticeable.

"I wrote out a Comic Shop Hopping for you."

Brandon lifted his head from his hands and uttered, "Huh?"

Amy Johnson tossed a double sided, written out piece of paper onto Brandon's desk, pointed at it and over-enunciated the words, "I wrote out a Comic Shop Hopping for you."

Brandon's eyes narrowed, "Why would you do that?"

"You haven't typed a thing all week. Blake needs your column in about three hours," Amy explained, "I thought I'd help the process move along."

Brandon sighed and picked up the paper, "You didn't need to do that. I can do the column by myself."

"You barely get it done by yourself when you have most of it written out in advance," Amy retorted.

"I said I'd get it done by myself," Brandon snarled, slapping the paper down on the desk and turning his gaze to the blank computer screen.

He blinked several times and then slouched back in defeat and began to rub his temples.

"You know for someone who thinks he can type a column in a mere three hours without preparing in any way, you're doing a crap job of it," Amy explained.

"Well, thank you Captain Obvious," Brandon snarled, "Maybe if you took a second to give your head a good shake, you would realize that obviously, I have other things on my mind."

"Other things that you shouldn't be worrying about," Amy muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"You need to get your column done, Brandon," Amy told him, finger pointed, "You don't exactly have the best track record going, and another slip or two, and you could be fired. Remember being fired?"

"Meagan hasn't been to the office in six days, Amy," Brandon muttered, "Six days. And do you realize that this edition is our twenty-fifth edition, if you include the first ten that I did? What if she's dead? It could be fates cruel little irony, or something. 'You work at a comic news site, writing a column, and therefore, someone you care about will DIE with your twenty-fifth edition'."

"Didn't Meagan do a zero issue or something?"

Brandon blinked, "That doesn't count when you're doing comic book milestones, Amy. You should know that by now."

"Either way, you're being irrational. Nobody close to Craig or Blake or Scott died when they hit their twenty-fifth editions, and the chances of it happening are one in a billion," Amy explained.

"Well I'm not writing this edition until I know she's okay," Brandon said.

"God, why are you being so stupid!" Amy yelled, "This... this fascination with Meagan is... it's just unhealthy, Brandon. I mean, you're even letting comic book clichés bleed into your paranoid little head, and that's just... it's just not right."

"Then what is right, Amy? Should I just go along, pretending like literally no one has seen her at all for six days? Or should I just pretend like everything is just ducky, and that I'm king turd or turd town? What's more healthy Amy? Tell me."

Amy shook her head slowly as she walked out of the room.

"Deep cleansing breath," she told herself, just as Darren walked in with a stranger in tow.

"Dude, you are going to love me," Darren grinned, ruffling Brandon's hair as he walked by.

"And why is that exactly?"

"Well, I've been noticing that you've been having problems with this week's column, right? So I've found you a magic solution," Darren grinned, "Another intern!"

Brandon blinked, "Excuse me?"

"Brandon, meet Sudsie," Darren introduced, shoving the guy who had followed him forwards, "Guy likes to call himself Samurai Daddy, but since he's like my non-sexual bi-"

Brandon coughed.

"...I decided to change his name to something more demeaning."

"Well, how very thoughtful of you," Brandon muttered, "Name wise, not intern wise, though. What makes you think I need any more interns?"

"Look, obviously you aren't getting enough work out of the ones you have."

Brandon stifled a laugh.

"So I figured I bring along my buddy from the bar," Darren stated, "He doesn't say much, and he's very compliant. Watch."

Darren directed his attention to Sudsie, "Sudsie? Get me a beer."

Sudsie pulled out a miniature refrigerator from his left pants pocket and opened it up. Inside there was enough room for one beer.

"Nifty, huh?" Darren said, grabbing the beverage, "He made that little thing himself. Almost killed him the first time we went out with it though. Condensation leaked around a bit and it shocked the living crap out of him. He almost died, isn't that right Sudsie?"

Sudsie nodded.

Darren sighed, "You're right... good times..."

"Look, Darren, I'm fine with you having your little lackey around to do the stuff that you won't do, but you'll have to run it by one of the up and ups, like Andrea, Blake or Craig?"

"Andrea, Blake or Craig?" Darren questioned, "Why can't I just go to Doug?"

"Doug doesn't make many appearances anymore. You have to go through a liaison to get through him... confuses me, really, but those are the rules, I guess."

"Well, Andrea and Blake are out, what with the whole biter hatred and the prank war and all that..."

"Right," Brandon muttered offhandedly, "Well, then, go talk to Craig. Get him to approve it."

Darren saluted Brandon and then gave a chipper, "Come on, Sudsie. Time to talk to the midget man."

They both left. Brandon stared at his computer sullenly.

"I wonder where Meagan is..." his mind wandered...

Elsewhere...

Scott Williams knocked on Meagan's apartment door.

"Meagan?" he yelled, "Are you in there?"

The door crept open a little, causing Scott to worry a bit. Sure, about a week ago, he had pretty much broken up with her but a week of her being missing still caught his attention. The open door seemed all too amiss too.

He slowly pushed the door open...

"Oh my God..."

Continued...


Later...
That wraps things up for this week's edition of Toasted! Next week, Brandon will probably be back telling you to buy Sentinel instead of doing the noble deed of promoting the not-yet-dead-yet Captain Marvel title that deserves the push and being... himself.

So until next time... um...

"Stay lightly toasted." I guess.

-Amy.