The Gamer’s Quagmire #65: Getting Fallout Boy a 9 to 5
Everything you wanted to know about gaming, and less
by Jamison DeLorenzo
Understanding the role of a game critic has become a rather difficult task. Game critics have many different facets to their job – advertising for games, informing the public, washing hands with publishers, entertaining viewers, and so forth. Knowing how to handle all of these so-called responsibilities can be difficult. Sometimes you get fired just for speaking your mind.
During my early years of writing about games I took it upon myself to write reviews whenever I could about any game in my illustrious library. There is always an uphill battle due to having to front the costs for every game and getting new people to pay attention. Coming up with a system that you are comfortable with and having it mean something to people is always the biggest challenge. There is almost nothing to gain by copying systems that are already in place because regurgitating information is never original or interesting. In fact, regurgitation is often quite disgusting.
It took me a couple of years to realize that writing reviews was largely for my own edification. I did get occasional e-mails from people asking questions about games I had not reviewed yet, which was refreshing, but it was never a fulfilling hobby. Gaming was the primary hobby, so the futile reviewing was put to bed and the endless gaming continued.
Several years later my semi-weekly rants starting to become a norm. I had built up a lot of anger over many years of playing horrible games, listening to idiotic reviews, and seeing idiotic mistakes made with console technology. Eventually these rants started to become relatively coherent. This was a big development considering the number of e-mails I got when writing about things I didn’t really understand. Still, they always served as a highly customized aphrodisiac to calm my nerves.![]()
Today, I find myself wondering what the real role of a game reviewer was in today’s gaming culture. This sounds like an asinine question, but there is a philosophical question at hand. We have so many different reviewing publications and sites that hand out numbers and awards the accolades have almost completely lost all meaning (this is more commonly known as the Jiminy Jillickers Effect). For example, you must find it disturbing how many different video games can become a Game of the Year.
In a sense that sounds like I’m suggesting that only one group should be able to give a game this, or any other title. The Ivory Tower approach is hardly the situation I think we should be in either, but the number of reviewers should be trimmed down. Reading differing opinions on games is always a good thing, provided that there is anecdotal evidence backing up the claims that are made.
A lot of what you read now about games is very comical. I don’t even mean funny comical – I often mean comical with respect to degree of incompetence or integrity. Once we started having visual proof that reviewers were being paid money to say positive things about games the game reviewer in the public eye shifted from honest reviewer to company spokesperson. You cannot take these people seriously. They are paid to write positive things or too scared to write negative things because they won’t get advanced copies of future games (which is the crux of my argument that most video game reviewers are inconsequential).
More to the point, sometimes money was never needed to get reviewers to write positive things about games. Lawsuits, or even the lingering stench thereof, kept certain reviewers from saying what they really wanted to say about a game.
This was part of larger problem that the Jeff Gerstmann firing raised. He wrote a game with a score that was deemed to be too low by his employer, so he was fired. Naturally, this was not the reason GameSpot gave, but you cannot expect a company to ever seriously admit fault no matter how transparent the lie is.
Think about what sources you implicitly trust for honest game reviews. How many different sources are there? If it’s a publication, how many of the reviewers that work there do you trust? What is the lowest score for any game you have seen from them? Which games have received the highest scores? Are they owned by a parent company that also produces games or consoles? Do they provide concrete reasons for why they like or dislike certain games? If you have not thought about these questions before it is time you start doing so.
To me, the mark of consistent reasoning behind reviews is not the most important ideal anymore. I need to see a publication have the testicular fortitude to give bad games bad scores. Find a game that is absolutely terrible on almost every level (e.g. Apex, Driver 3) – did they get a score below 30% (or even 50%)? I need to know that a site is willing to completely bury a game when it is deserved.
If you want to know the worst about games you need to find people that work on the entertainment of how games are described and ignore the professional reviewer. My current hypothesis is that web comics are the most informative game reviews we have going. The weekly Zero Punctuation web comic, one of the funniest and most entertaining running pieces in the known universe, is popular because he is, along with other reasons, willing to completely skewer a game when necessary. The same thing holds true for Penny Arcade.
Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a subscription or two to gaming magazines or monitoring several gaming websites to get information. Getting previews and detailed descriptions on games far into the future are very invaluable. All I am saying is that placing your faith in one source for video game reviews, or any other form of information for that matter, is always a bad idea… except for me.
You can always trust me.
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March 27, 2008
Ti’Hat and the Vulcan: Chapter Ten
It was barely dawn, yet inside the city of Topachan, hundreds of Borg were hard at work. Darkness was irrelevant to them, their purpose on this world was the only thing that mattered. They had a great deal of work to complete before Bint’Ari was fully Borg, and there was absolutely no reason to let darkness inhibit their progress.
It was hard to say whether or not the Borg knew about the people massing outside of the city. At the moment, they, too, were irrelevant. Their assimilation was inevitable, but there were other, more important tasks at hand. Their assimilation could wait. And since they were not yet Borg, what they were doing now was inconsequential.
The people outside of the city saw the situation very much differently. Every second that passed was another bit of damage that the Borg caused their world. To the people, the death of every last Borg on the surface was inevitable. But, the Bint’Ari had less patience for inevitability than did the Borg. They wanted to take their world back, and time was in the way.
To these people, the reclaiming of their capitol was the essential first step in total eradication of the Borg. Resistance cells had already taken back a vast majority of the cities, but Topachan represented something very special to all of them. That city was all of Bint’Ari, and as long as Topachan was in chains, the whole of Bint’Ari was could not be free.
No one bothered to make extensive plans for retaking the city. A date was set, and word was spread. Everyone hoped that enough people would show up to mount a successful offensive. No one expected the masses that arrived to reclaim their society.
First there was the Guard. They had lost all control of the resistance a long time ago, due to a breakdown in communication. Yipu surprised the world, however, by gathering three hundred Guard units outside of Topachan before the liberation began. This was well over three quarters of the remaining units on the planet. The Guard gathered outside the city could in all likelihood retake it by themselves. But the Guard was not fighting this war alone.
Resistance cells, composed primarily of the average man, had come from all over the world. To them, this was Armageddon. The final confrontation between good and evil. And each of them knew that they would emerge victorious.
Perhaps one of the most unusual, and most promising of the people who were gathered outside of the city was a small group known as the Praetor Cell. Their group had attained legendary status throughout the world. Tales of their victories were told before battles. Their plights inspired victory where it was thought impossible. All because of two aliens, Ti’Hat and the Vulcan. Very few people knew their real names, but only because no one really cared what they were. They had become mythical figures. People referred to them the way that people of an ancient Earth referred to the likes of Hercules, Paul Bunyan, Ulysses, Moses, or Superman. People credited these two for the salvation of their world by the greatness of their exaggerated deeds. Though this was far from the truth, one could argue that the hope that they provided was enough of a driving force for the people of Bint’Ari to become their own salvation.
So, when the darkness fled before the child of morning, the rosy fingered Dawn, the Borg suddenly found reason to abandon their work. The surge of the not-yet-Borg Bint’Ari made themselves the utmost in relevance.
—
“The city is huge!” Torres marveled, as she studied the map that was laid before her. The Borg had brought about considerable change to the structure of the city, but they had not been there long enough to fully decentralized the city in the assimilation process. The maps were still of use.
“I would hypothesize that the Borg will be concentrated in these two areas,” suggested Tuvok, circling areas of the city with his finger. “The abundance of available technology would provide ideal points for resource distribution. Also, that the Borg will have established their planet-based hive mainframe in one of these areas, as well as a center for the assimilation of the Bint’Ari populace.”
“Is there time to let the other groups know to focus their attacks in those areas?” Torres asked.
“No,” replied Oro. “Dawn will be here in minutes. Besides, I don’t think this attack is going to come close to even resembling organized.”
“Agreed. It would be prudent to divide this group into two smaller units, and concentrate each on one of the industrial zones. Perhaps other groups will follow our example.”
Oro thought for a moment, then shook his head. “I don’t think the rest of them will go for it.”
“Why not?” Torres asked.
Oro rubbed his eyes, shaking off the sleep. “To be honest, most people are going to want to follow the two of you. Anyone chosen to be in the second group will view it as an insult. This is not a day for low morale among the troops.”
“That is most unfortunate,” replied Tuvok. “The solution is simple, however. You and I will pilot the shuttle to this industrial zone, with half of the group accompanying us in their fliers. Lt. Torres will lead the other half of the group on foot to the closer zone. Hopefully, the people will be amenable to that course of action.”
Oro nodded his head. “I think they will agree to that. I will go and divide the troops.” He stood and walked back to the center of the camp.
As Oro walked away, Tuvok shook his head. “Our apparent rise to mythological stature is precisely why we should have adhered to the strictest letter of the Prime Directive in the first place. The cultural damage we seem to have brought about is precisely the reason for the order.”
“Tuvok, I may agree with you,” replied Torres. “But I still think we had no other choice. If we want to get off of this world, the Borg must be stopped. And we couldn’t have done it alone.”
“Agreed,” Tuvok nodded slowly. “Hopefully, Voyager will not have left the area without us.”
—
Dawn spread over the valley that the city rested in, and cheers erupted throughout the crowds. Men everywhere picked up their swords, and gathered in preparation for the assault. Torres picked up her blade, her third since she began fighting with the Bint’Ari. She had broken the other two. No doubt these tales already had become myths as well, even though broken blades were not uncommon with such old weapons.
She faced the city she was about to enter, and wondered at the amazing turn of events. In the last few weeks, she had been a part of something she never had dreamed she would be, not even as a member of the Maquis. One minute she was onboard a shuttlecraft, the next she was leading an army against the Borg. Her Klingon mother would certainly be proud, her daughter leading men into battle. Now she would have something to boast to the holographic warriors on her and Tom’s Day of Honor program. However exhilarating it all was, she still longed for Voyager, her engine room, and Tom.
The thought of Tom sobered her for a second. She hadn’t even thought about him in the last several days; she was too caught up in all of the fighting. She imagined he was worried to death about her, and it made her sad. She shook it off quickly. Anything but anger now would mean her death. Plenty of time to worry about Mr. Paris when the Borg were gone.
She looked back into the faces of the group that would follow her into the city. They didn’t care that they were going to be lead into one of the most concentrated areas of Borg in the city. They were being lead by her, the mythical Ti’Hat, and they couldn’t be happier. Torres decided not to warn them that they should be very concerned. It would be pointless to do so. Freeing their world from the Borg was more important, and jitters would make it a hopeless cause.
They wasted no time in starting forward, as their destination was several miles within the city bounds. People cheered as they marched onto the city highway. Swords were raised, and they people had to restrain themselves from bolting into the city at full speed. Energy had to be conserved for the long journey, and the fighting along the way.
The group walked close together for about an hour before they sighted their first Borg. He was dismantling a comm-link, no doubt to use the components somewhere else. Torres barked orders to the men behind her to ignore the Borg. If they were to attack it, others would come. They needed to get to the industrial zone fresh and as energetic as possible. There was no reason to kill the Borg here, and start a battle too soon.
Torres turned to Alu. “We need to move faster.”
“There should be an transport dealer a bit up the road. If it hasn’t been dismantled by the Borg, we should be able to use some of the vehicles there,” Alu replied.
Moments later, the group arrived at the auto lot. Several Borg were working around the complex, just beginning to dismantle the vehicles there. The vehicles were somewhat reminiscent of the “hot rods” Tom had in one of his holodeck programs.
“Where are the keys kept for those?” Torres asked the group, hoping someone would know the answer.
“Keys?” someone replied. “What do you mean?”
“How do you start those vehicles?” she snapped back.
The man regarded Torres as if she were a child. And angry glare changed his attitude.
“You just press the ignition button. It starts right up.”
Torres shook her head in disbelief. So easy! She motioned for the group to attack the Borg in the lot. The battle was quick, as the Borg were easily outnumbered. Unfortunately, Torres’s group, in announcing themselves as a threat, had got the attention of every Borg within a couple of miles who were not occupied fighting other groups. The fifty warriors piled into the cars, and followed Torres towards the industrial zone.
Alu raced the car down the road, trying to pick streets that were not occupied by the Borg. He wheeled around a corner, and saw three Borg advancing up the street straight towards them. Torres, who was in the back of the car, looked behind her and saw the convoy of vehicles. Alu hit the accelerator, and charged toward the Borg blocking the road. The Borg didn’t bother to move out of the way as the car smashed into each of them one at a time, smashing nearly every bone in each of their bodies. As the convoy passed, several of the cars swerved to run over the fallen Borg, insuring their deaths. The last car in the convoy ran over a Borg mid-self destruct, and the car disintegrated along with the crushed soldier.
The convoy raced down the street, Torres occasionally checking the map of the city that appeared on the tricorder in order to get a bearing. A moment later, the car skidded around a corner, and Torres saw a giant factory looming ahead of the convoy several blocks down.
“The computer factory,” commented Alu.
Torres nodded, and Alu continued on towards the building. It was approaching mid-day, and Torres wanted to be inside of the factory with plenty of light left.
A large truck moved into an intersection ahead of the convoy, and Torres immediately noticed that there was no one driving the truck. It stopped, blocking the entire road. It was covered in various Borg components, receivers and transmitters. Torres thought that the truck itself was somehow tied into the Borg consciousness, and being remotely controlled by them.
Alu slammed on the breaks of the car and turned the wheel. The car skidded and slammed into the large cargo truck. The front end of the of the car crunched down when it hit the truck, and Alu screamed in pain as the metal sides of the car crushed the life out of him. Torres and Aila, who was also in the car, jumped out, and ran for the side of the road just before the truck erupted into flames. The two ducked between two buildings as a second car slammed into the truck, hitting the fuel tank. The entire mangled wreck exploded. Shards of glass and metal flew in all directions, several pieced imbedding themselves into the other cars, who had all stopped well before the truck. After the shrapnel storm ended, the survivors crawled out of their vehicles, and inspected the crater the explosion left in the road.
“We’ll have to walk the rest of the way,” announced Torres, as she made her way to a wrecked car in the center of the convoy. She opened the door, and handed a sword to each of the surviving men. After they were all armed, the group made their way around the crater and on towards the factory.
—
The rest of the journey towards the factory was uneventful. No Borg were found in the wide road leading to the gates. The group knocked down the fence surrounding the factory, and moved towards the building. Ahead of them, dozens of Borg had stopped their work, and advanced on them. Torres howled, and charged towards the advancing Borg. Her group followed, yelling and waving their swords at the Borg.
The steadily advancing Borg group collided with the charging Bint’Ari, and the screeching sound of swords hitting metal was heard. Several Borg found themselves without heads or other limbs immediately, while many of the Bint’Ari were thrust aside by powerful Borg blows. The battle began to spread out a bit, as the Bint’Ari needed more room to swing their swords.
Torres fought ferociously, but the Borg outnumbered the small Bint’Ari band significantly. Every time Torres killed one, another Borg stepped forward and took its place. After the seventh Borg fell before Torres, she found herself unchallenged. She took a deep breath and glanced to see how her companions were faring. She was pleasantly surprised. Decapitated Borg were strewn all over the factory yard, and the numbers had evened out. Then she saw something that terrified her.
One of the younger fighters, who’s name she did not know, barely missed a Borg with a heavy, off-balance blow. The Borg responded by grabbing the boy, whirling him around, and lashing his neck with two thick chords from his fingers.
Assimilation. The Borg had resumed assimilating the Bint’Ari. Torres lifted her sword in anger and raced across the battlefield, killing two Borg in single swipe as she passed them. She raised her sword as she met the Borg who had attacked the boy, and in one swift motion cut off his arm. She swung her sword around, and brought it down on the creature’s shoulder, destroying the component on its shoulder that controlled its self-destruct mechanism. The Borg disintegrated immediately.
Torres turned towards the boy, who was screaming in pain. She took a deep breath, then plunged her sword deep into the boys chest, killing him instantly. She raised her head and howled for the boy’s spirit. She was surprised to hear the chorus of voices that joined her. She stopped, and looked to several men standing near the boy, with tears in their eyes. One who stood next to Torres placed his hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you for your mercy, Ti’hat. I could not have killed him, even though it saved his soul.” The man wiped a tear from his eye, and walked away. Around her, the last two Borg in the battle fell to the ground. She lifted her hand and activated the communicator on her chest.
“Torres to Tuvok.”
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
“Tuvok, the Borg have resumed the assimilating the Bint’Ari.”
“Acknowledged. Tuvok out.”
Torres sighed as the surviving men gathered around her, eager to discuss how they were going to take the building, which was certain to be full of Borg. Mercifully, another group approached the yard, ending Torres’s concern about how they were going to take a Borg stronghold with only twenty men.
—
Tuvok ignored the various warning lights that flashed as soon as he began to lift the shuttle off of the ground. Torres had warned him that the shuttle was not going to know if some of the more ‘creative’ repairs she had made were going to operate properly. Oro was worried, though, but he remained silent as he sat nervously in the seat next to Tuvok. The six passengers in the back of the shuttle were equally worried, wondering if a thing without any sort of wings could actually fly.
Oro and Tuvok decided that it would be a waste of fliers to just use them to transport troops to an industrial center, so they were going to first use them to attack other suspected Borg concentrations before arriving at the industrial zone. The fliers were equipped with automatic projectile weapons, and the Borg had at times proven to be vulnerable to a bullet. Tuvok programmed the phaser emitters on the shuttle to randomly change frequencies, so that the shuttle could also function as a fighter. Tuvok estimated that the shuttle’s phasers would be effective for about fifty shots. Since the phasers on a shuttle were considerably more powerful than a hand phaser, they would be harder for a soldier to adapt to.
So the flier squadron sent several cycles attacking various Borg groups that were about to advance on Bint’Ari resistance fighters. The result was a positive one, as the ground troops were defeating Borg groups much more quickly than they would have without the air support.
“Isn’t it funny?” Oro commented, after one of their more successful attacks. “That we are fighting a ground battle with one of the most primitive weapons, an Aria, while also using fliers, the most advanced piece of equipment on the planet?”
“The juxtaposition of technological polarities is certainly interesting, but I would hardly classify it as ‘funny,’” replied Tuvok.
“Don’t you ever laugh, Vulcan?” chuckled Oro.
“No,” Tuvok replied, steadily.
“I’m not surprised. Actually, I do not think much of anything could surprise me anymore.”
“Torres to Tuvok,” Tuvok’s communicator beeped.
“Go ahead, Lieutenant.”
“Tuvok, the Borg have resumed the assimilating the Bint’Ari,” Torres relayed through the communicator.
“Acknowledged. Tuvok out.” Tuvok looked into the horror stricken eyes of Oro.
“What are we going to do? We can’t attack that industrial zone now. We’ll lose too many men to assimilation,” exclaimed Oro.
“We must proceed. The Borg have constructed the equipment they need to begin assimilation in one of these industrial zones. No where else in the city has the technological capacity for such a facility. The assimilation will stop as soon as we locate and dismantle that facility.”
Oro nodded. “But I don’t want to risk anyone until we absolutely have to.”
“What do you suggest?” asked Tuvok.
“Can we destroy the industrial zone from the air?”
“Unlikely. We would require a great deal more firepower than we possess, and there would be no guarantee that the Borg or the Borg mechanisms inside would be destroyed.”
“Well, we can still do ground strikes. We can make certain every Borg outside of the complex is dead before we land. At least we will be at full strength when we enter the compound.”
“Agreed. But we are limited in our ammunition. It will not be long before we run out.”
“It will be enough,” replied Oro. “If we run out, we will run them down with the fliers themselves. I don’t want to see anymore assimilation.”
—
Oyi, the leader of the group that augmented Torres’s, suggested that they use the explosives that they had brought to blow open a side of the complex. This would provide an element of surprise to their attack, and hopefully would take a few Borg with them. Torres agreed, and the three explosives experts spent nearly a cycle rigging the bombs all over the cargo doors that encompassed the southern wall of the compound.
With the explosives rigged, the small army retreated to a safe distance, and the wall was detonated. The explosive was effective, and the entire wall blew open, leaving a giant entrance for the group to enter. Before the dust settled, several Borg exited the building through the hole, trying to ascertain what had happened. The Bint’Ari charged forward, and killed all of the advancing Borg before they realized they were being attacked. The Borg still working inside of the warehouse turned to attack the intruders, and a bloody battle ensued.
The group unquestionably chose the right wall to blow, as the entire area was cluttered with Borg mechanisms. Walls were knocked down, and the structural integrity of the building was enhanced in order to accommodate the missing walls. Makeshift rows were erected up and down the area, lined with Borg regeneration pods. All of the Borg that had been in a regenerative cycle had been called out, to eliminate the intruders. The center row was twice as wide as the other rows, and was filled with surgical tables and storage units for Borg implants. Two Bint’Ari were each on tables, half covered in the Borg mechanisms.
The battle lasted a long time, and was very costly. Every time a Bint’Ari was assimilated, he was killed by another Bint’Ari, to spare him. The Borg were falling fast, but they outnumbered the Bint’Ari by a large margin. The Aria proved to be the great equalizer, as a Borg soldier was unable to withstand an attack for more than a few minutes without being decapitated.
Torres stopped fighting once she realized the battle was under control. Borg were dropping like flies, so she did not need to worry about them any longer. She set her mind to finding a way to dismantle the assimilation facility. Since the explosives were all used in their entrance, she decided the primitive way was the best. She picked up a heavy, metal pole, and smashed everything she could reach. Before the Bint’Ari outside finished fighting, Torres had reduced the assimilation facility to scrap metal.
—
Tuvok’s approach to entering his facility was less spectacular. After the flier squadron landed, and the remaining outside Borg were killed, Oro lead the group of Bint’Ari into the complex, through the front door.
This factory had been converted in a similar fashion to the assimilation complex, only there were no rows of regeneration pods occupying the empty space. A dismantled Scout cube sat in the middle of the warehouse, with various terminals and data nodes attached to the main computer inside of the cube. Tuvok opened up his tricorder and scanned the area, while the Bint’Ari charged forward to fight the Borg in the room.
“Fascinating,” Tuvok commented.
“What is it?” Oro asked impatiently, eager to join his comrades in the fight.
“That vessel has been converted into a massive computer. It is operation as the central point for the Borg consciousness on this planet. Orders that each of the Borg are receiving from the collective are relayed through it.”
“What would happen if that this were destroyed?”
“Unknown. It is possible that if their links were severed with the collective, all the Borg on the planet would undergo a self destruct sequence.”
“Then we need to destroy that thing, now!” Oro exclaimed, excitedly. “We could win the war in seconds!”
“Wait,” Tuvok replied, as he grabbed Oro’s arm. “That computer will still be operational even in seventy-six percent of it is destroyed. The Borg soldiers in the room would immediately take action to prevent that occurrence. The computer will be safe until each of the nearby soldiers are killed. Meanwhile, I will set my tricorder to download as much of the information that it can from the collective. It may give us some idea of Borg activities in this sector.”
“You can do that?” Oro asked.
“I am not certain. However, I will attempt it.”
Oro, satisfied with Tuvok’s plan, rushed to help the other men in the fight. It went as each of the battles had gone so far, a Bint’Ari victory, with heavy casualties. During the battle, Tuvok managed to up-link his tricorder into the Borg relay computer, and began the process of downloading any information he could into the shuttle’s computer. After he had taken all he could, Tuvok gave the OK to dismantle the system.
The men eagerly tore into the cube, pulling apart anything that would come loose with the tools that they had.
The Borg reacted immediately. Drones from everywhere turned away from their designated task and moved towards the scout cube. Borg engaged in battle miles away stopped fighting and attempted to move towards the compound. Invariably, they were killed before they walked three steps.
The battle turned very bloody. The twenty men holding back to fight off the oncoming drones were quickly overcome by drones either inside the complex or those transporting inside the complex from battles outside.
Several of the men were assimilated, and acted immediately to stop the destruction of the scout cube. Tuvok backed against the wall, so that he would not be attacked from behind by the Borg.
Inputting a few commands on his tricorder, he re-established a link to the shuttlecraft’s computer.
Accessing files on the first Borg attempt to assimilate Earth, he searched for the command pathways Data used to cause the cube in orbit of Earth to prematurely enter a regeneration cycle.
Reconnecting to the Borg Scout’s main computer, Tuvok attempted the same procedure. He was locked out almost immediately.
Several drones approached Tuvok, to prevent another attempt to destroy the Scout. Tuvok tried another pathway, it failed as well.
Tuvok dropped his tricorder and lifted his sword, to defend himself. Two drones reached him at once, and Tuvok began to fight for his life.
A small explosion echoed throughout the complex floor. Tuvok saw Oro out of the corner of his eye drop to the floor from the top of the scout, and run straight towards to bay doors.
The drones attacking Tuvok, as well as those fighting the Bint’Ari on the floor paused, waiting for further instruction. Tuvok bumped through the frozen Borg, running for safety.
More explosions raced throughout the cube. Moments after Tuvok, Oro, and three other Bint’Ari piled into the shuttle, the entire building exploded.
Tuvok had barely managed to get the shuttle’s shields up and the craft in the air before the explosion brought them right back down again. Alert sirens of all pitches could be heard by all five of the shuttle’s crew.
The shuttle careened out-of-control. The shock-wave from the explosion knocked the barely aloft shuttle back into the ground. It skidded along the concrete surface around the complex, on its side, for several hundred meters. Mercifully, it stopped after a few moments, and the five men piled out of the shuttle, to survey the damage.
No more Bint’Ari made it out of the complex before it exploded. All of the fliers around the complex, as well as the building itself, were burning intensely. Both Borg and Bint’Ari bodies were scattered across the lot, most of those burning as well.
Across the countryside, Borg everywhere ceased to operate. Most self-destructed immediately upon the destruction of the hive computer. A few Borg survived, for a short time, disconnected from the Collective. The Bint’Ari fighting the drones did not distinguish between the newly individual drone and the Borg from seconds past. The confused drones were slaughtered mercilessly.
Less than a half hour after the complex was destroyed, Bint’Ari was free of the Borg.
Star Trek, Voyager, and related properties are © Paramount Studio, and the author makes no claim towards them.
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March 25, 2008
Off the Cuff: GI Joe Movie
I can’t even begin to stress how skeptical I am of this movie. The simple fact that the writers started their project by backing away from GI Joe tradition bothers me. But I’m not just being bitter. I see two fundamental problems with the change of GI Joe from an American Hero to an “international peace keeping force.” Especially in light of this being done to sell more tickets to foreign markets.
1. When you focus on marketing and pay models instead of the story, you’re asking for trouble. Just look at HellGate.
2. They are changing an icon, simply to sell more tickets. This will only anger fans of the original cartoon. Which will make up the bulk of initial customers.
I can’t see how either of these things are good. (Well, good for a fan of the original cartoon….)
I hope I’m wrong though.
Now before I go all doom and gloom, there is one thing that gives me that hope: check out the images of Snake Eyes from Ain’t It Cool News.

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March 24, 2008
On The Shelf This Week: 03.26.08

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK
Order any of the below titles by clicking here!
ALL STAR SUPERMAN #10, $2.99, 32 Pages, DC Comics
Written by Grant Morrison; Art by Frank Quitely and Jamie Grant; Cover by Quitely
Great series – terrible shipping schedule. It is amazing that DC still tries to push this as a bi-monthly book, but it just never seems to happen. Issue #9 came out in November, about 4 months ago. #11 is slated for May, but it will be in July if this trend continues.
The only thing that is keeping this book from true greatness is its release schedule. Patient fans will wait the extra months, but most fans aren’t patient, especially when you have to be constantly on guard for the unexpected release of a new issue. In every other way this is probably the best Superman title in ages – you can bet you will enjoy it if you should decide to give it a chance.
GREEN LANTERN #29, $2.99, 32 Pages, DC Comics
Written by Geoff Johns; Art by Ivan Reis and Oclair Albert
I guess origin retelling has become something of a necessary evil – but I must admit that my eyes roll every time I see it. This issue starts a brand new arc in which we will revisit the origin of Hal Jordan. No idea if this is a strict retelling, or if the story is meant to uncover some previously “unseen” aspect that will have some future impact on the character. Likely the latter – as is usually the case with these.
The gimmick is overused, but Johns is building on an outstanding run, and really does deserve the benefit of the doubt. We shall have to see where this one goes.
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES #40, $2.99, 32 Pages, DC Comics
Written by Jim Shooter; Art and Cover by Francis Manapul and John Livesay
Really, so far, so good. Shooter has gotten right into the flow on his young run on the Legion, and is doing a bang up job. There are a lot of people who were waiting to hear how he would do on this title before diving in – he seems to have a good handle on it. This issue is the first of a new story arc – time to get aboard. Should be solid, and especially safe for those who have steered clear from the Legion for a while now.
MS MARVEL #25, $3.99, Marvel Comics
Written by Brian Reed, Art by Adriana Reed and Chris Sotomayor
This title kind of makes me think “The Little Comic That Could.” For a long time this book was savaged by readers, mostly due to Ms. Marvel’s – for lack of a better term – outrageous costume. Comics get a lot of flak for their presentation of female heroes (Not undeservingly), and this title seemed like another high profile example of that. To make matters worse, the focus of the opening issues seemed to be solely on Carol’s worries over her image – a frivolous concern to say the least, which made things all the worse. But the characters have been strong, and the writing was great for an action title, the art outstanding, and over the last couple of years, this title has grown to be a pretty solid addition to the Marvel line-up. This issue is an extra-sized “anniversary” issue, doubling as a Secret Invasion warm-up. There are many worse titles you could add to your list this week.
TEEN TITANS #57, $2.99, 32 Pages, DC Comics
Written by Sean McKeever; Art and Cover by Eddy Barrows and Rob Hunter
What is the first sign that a writer has really hit his stride on a title? You get excited when you see the next issue is coming out this week. That is where McKeever finally is on Teen Titans, and it is wonderful to see. This is the Teen Titans we always hoped he would write, but feared we would never see when he first took on the title. It has become a joy to read this title again, and that is something Teen Titans has been missing for a long, long time. The art ain’t too shabby either. The sooner you start buying this title, the better.
ULTIMATE IRON MAN II #4 (OF 5), $2.99, 32 Pages, Marvel Comics
Written by Orson Scott Card, Art by Pasqual Ferry and Dean White.
Card’s second Ultimate Iron Man mini comes to a close this week – a little shorter than the last one, but considering the story, it probably works better that way. The story overall has been tighter this time around, thanks largely to the lack of time jumps (last one, if you will recall, featured a good part of Tony Stark’s childhood), but it isn’t entirely certain that this one will have any more concrete an ending. Last one just seemed to end, the story picking up this time around right where the last one ended, instead of having things all tied up at the conclusion. This time – while that is a hope, things do not seem to be going in that direction. It has the feeling of an ongoing – perhaps there is another one in the works?
WOLVERINE FIRST CLASS #1, $2.99, 32 Pages, Marvel Comics
Written by Fred Van Lente, Art by Andrea Di Vito and Laura Villari
Jeff Parker’s X-Men First Class concept worked well, so why not try it for the “Second Class?” Of course, it is tagged Wolverine probably for the name value (and Second Class probably didn’t sound as flattering), but that is all marketing. This title will feature the “international” X-Men class that we first saw in 1975: Wolverine, Colossus, Storm, and Nightcrawler, along with Kitty Pride (which would suggest that this doesn’t start at their beginning with the X-Men, since she didn’t come along until later). The First Class concept has proved to be a good one – let’s hope Van Lente can make it work a second time.
BLUE BEETLE #25, $2.99, 32 Pages, DC Comics
Written by John Rogers; Art and Cover by Rafael Albuquerque
Sadly, this looks to be John Rogers’ last issue of Blue Beetle for some time. DC is spinning it as a “break,” which means he may well come back to the title someday, but no day soon. Issue #36 is set as a Spanish Language issue, and #27 starts Will Pfeifer’s guest stint.
Rogers will be missed. He really elevated this title to greatness, and having him leave right when this title is really starting to establish itself is a real blow. Pfiefer is a good man to carry the torch – he did well on Aquaman and Catwoman, but it is always tough to let go after a run like this. If it ain’t broke, after all.
Issue #25 should be a solid issue. Worth checking out, if only so you finally know what you missed for 2 years…
ALL STAR SUPERMAN #10 $2.99 Now: $2.69
AUTHORITY PRIME #6 (OF 6) $2.99 Now: $2.59
BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #15 $2.99 Now: $2.69
BLUE BEETLE #25 $2.99 Now: $2.59
COUNTDOWN LORD HAVOK AND THE EXTREMISTS #6 (OF 6) $2.99 Now: $2.69
COUNTDOWN TO ADVENTURE #8 (OF 8) $3.99 Now: $3.49
COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 5 $2.99 Now: $2.59
GREEN LANTERN #29 $2.99 Now: $2.69
JSA CLASSIFIED #36 $2.99 Now: $2.69
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES #40 $2.99 Now: $2.69
NIGHTWING THE LOST YEAR TP $14.99 Now: $11.99
SECRET HISTORY AUTHORITY JACK HAWKSMOOR #1 (OF 6) $2.99 Now: $2.69
SPIRIT #15 $2.99 Now: $2.59
TEEN TITANS #57 $2.99 Now: $2.69
WILDSTORM REVELATIONS #6 (OF 6) $2.99 Now: $2.59
WORLD OF WARCRAFT #5 $2.99 Now: $2.69
DEVIL’S DUE
DRAFTED #6 $3.50 Now: $2.99
SHEENA #5 $3.50 Now: $3.19
DYNAMITE ENTERTAINMENT
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA ORIGINS #4 $3.50 Now: $2.99
IDW
ROGUE ANGEL TELLER OF TALES #2 $3.99 Now: $3.49
SAVAGE DRAGON #135 $2.99 Now: $2.59
SPAWN #176 $2.95 Now: $2.69
DAREDEVIL #106 $2.99 Now: $2.69
ESSENTIAL OFF HB MARVEL UNIV MASTER ED TP VOL 01 $16.99 Now: $13.99
GHOST RIDER TP TRAIL OF TEARS $14.99 Now: $11.99
HULK #2 2ND PTG MCGUINNESS VAR $2.99 Now: $2.69
MARVEL ADVENTURES FANTASTIC FOUR #34 $2.99 Now: $2.59
MARVEL ADVENTURES IRON MAN #11 $2.99 Now: $2.59
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED PICTURE DORIAN GRAY #4 (OF 6) $2.99 Now: $2.59
MIGHTY AVENGERS #11 $2.99 Now: $2.69
MS MARVEL #25 $3.99 Now: $3.49
NEW AVENGERS #39 $2.99 Now: $2.69
NEW UNIVERSAL TP EVERYTHING WENT WHITE $14.99 Now: $11.99
POWER PACK DAY ONE #1 (OF 4) $2.99 Now: $2.69
SHE-HULK 2 #27 $2.99 Now: $2.69
SPIDER-MAN PREM HC ONE MORE DAY $24.99 Now: $15.99
SPIDER-MAN WITH GREAT POWER #3 (OF 5) $3.99 Now: $3.49
ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #52 $2.99 Now: $2.69
ULTIMATE HUMAN #3 (OF 4) $2.99 Now: $2.69
ULTIMATE IRON MAN II #4 (OF 5) $2.99 Now: $2.69
ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #120 $2.99 Now: $2.69
ULTIMATE X-MEN #92 $2.99 Now: $2.69
WOLVERINE FIRST CLASS #1 $2.99 Now: $2.69
WORLD WAR HULK AFTERSMASH DAMAGE CONTROL #3 (OF 3) $2.99 Now: $2.69
X-MEN FIRST CLASS VOL 2 #10 $2.99 Now: $2.69
X-MEN LEGACY #209 $2.99 Now: $2.69
CAPTAIN AMERICA: WHITE
It has been a number of years since we saw those “colors” minis (Spider-Man Blue, Hulk Gray, and Daredevil Yellow), but along with Tim Sale’s Marvel Exclusive, we are getting a fourth installment of this concept – Captain America: White. Of course, they say they planned 4 all along, but what’s a little marketing spin between friends? This series looks as if it is going to take a grittier look at Captain America and Bucky’s story in World War II than we are used to. Not a bad approach – things were so rosy in Cap’s early days, despite the Nazi menace. They left out the whole “War is Hell” aspect. Seeing that inserted back into the Captain America saga should prove to be a good read.
ALL STAR #1?
According to the February 2008 comic sales figures, DC had exactly one issue breach the top ten: All Star Batman And Robin The Boy Wonder #9. What? OK, I know that hype sometimes drives comic sales, and despite the horrific nature of this book (and it really is that bad), it would sell well. But the most sales for DC? Over Justice League? Justice Society? Countdown? Any Superman or mainstream Batman book?
You wonder why, sometimes, your comics aren’t as good as you might like? Why publishers seem strangely insistent on pushing the strangest things? Here is your answer! When the top selling DC book is All Star Batman, it is a wonder that the whole DC line-up hasn’t become an affront to the Superhero genre. I guess the time to stop blaming the publishers is long past. We all vote with our wallets after all. If someone can explain why this title is better than Justice League of America from any perspective, it would be great to hear!
NOTE: Opinions here may not reflect those of X-World Comics LLC or it’s staff and are solely the opinions of the writer.
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March 20, 2008
Ti’Hat and the Vulcan: Chapter Nine
Yavitz was tired of moving. It seemed like as soon as she was moved to a so called ’safe haven,’ the Borg would attack it, and she would have to move again.
It had been several days since she was forced to flee, however. Still, she had been preparing all of that time for another move. It never came. The Borg had stopped advancing.
In fact, the Borg was being pushed back. Reports that she had been given, as well as those that Yipu had given her other showed that the Borg were losing a lot of ground. Resistance cells had taken back all of the Irabek and Sympek sectors, and the Borg was losing ground throughout the rest of the world. Nearby, Aoex had been liberated, and there were rumors of an eminent attack on the capitol. If the Borg could be beaten there, total victory would not be too far off. Soon she would be able to return to living inside of actual buildings, instead of hiding in tents and caves. The thought made her smile.
The time in hiding had not been totally wasted, though. Ito had accompanied her, and she grew fond of the young man. He needed a friendly person around, since his other had gone into suspended animation. His duties had deteriorated to a minimum, since most of the communication equipment had been taken by the Borg, and the fact that the resistance had lost all official organization. He still had a portable transceiver, and monitored all the channels he could during his spare time. He managed to put together a pretty complete picture of the war effort from the limited information he had, much to Yavitz’s delight.
In fact, Ito had heard a lot about the rumored aliens that were helping the Bint’Ari in the resistance. Yavitz found much of it unbelievable, but she could see how such tall tales were motivating to those fighting all over the world. Apparently they were in a ship that had crashed in the ocean, and came ashore on Praetor. They helped that resistance group reclaim the island and move on to the mainland.
All of that seemed fairly believable. There were sure to be other aliens than the Borg, and who’s to say some didn’t happen by at the same time? The unbelievable part were the battle-tales themselves. It seems that one of the aliens, a woman, was a ferocious warrior. A female warrior! Now that was an absurd idea. Allegedly during the attack on the city of Praetor, she killed several hundred Borg single handed. Impossible!
After that battle, they began to call her Ti’hat, after the predator. Whispered stories of the Ti’hat spread like wildfire all throughout the world. How the Ti’hat killed hundreds in Praetor. How the Ti’hat killed a Borg barehanded. How the Ti’hat lead the assault on Praetor. As time passes, she even began to take on physical characteristics of the ti’hat. She was described as having long claws, snarling teeth, even the red hair of the predator.
What about her companion? If the woman was so ferocious, then what about the man? He, to her bewilderment, was described as surprisingly passive. He was rarely described as participating in the war effort, though there were plenty of tales suggesting that he did fight. But more often than not, the stories about him were cold ones, describing the walking stone, the unfeeling man. No joy, sorrow, or pain. The picture of controlled calm. It was said that he didn’t even celebrate victory, or mourn the loss of those he fought with. They called him the Vulcan, or sometimes just Vulcan. Perhaps it was his name. Ti’hat and Vulcan. The warrior woman and the passive, deliberate man. Very much the stuff of tall tales.
Yavitz believed that all such tales were based somewhat in truth. There had to be two such people, but whether or not they were aliens, or how much of the stories about them were true was a question. And, undoubtedly, these stories would become myths, stories told for generations to come. She wished she could be there, and meet these people, see what they were doing that inspired these tales. They must be extraordinary.
This day was a day like any other. Yavitz would sit in the communications tent, and Ito would listen to whatever came in the clearest, and tell her about some of the more interesting yarns. The time that Yavitz spent with Ito became very useful to the Bint’Ari war effort. Ira, aware of everything that Yavitz learned from the young man, would pass along key information to Yipu, who would then try and use it to dispatch surviving Guard units to help to resistance fighters. Six Guard units made it to Xenin to help with the liberation of that city, all because Ito was listening.
“Is it true that we will be able to move back into the city soon, Usum?” Ito asked.
“I hope so,” replied Yavitz. “I am tired of sleeping in tents. But you know more about what is going on than I do. I just get carted around like a piece of equipment.”
“I hope it is soon. The war does seem to be going well. If these reports are accurate, resistance groups just took back both Bint and Hopach’an. Hopach’an was the last major city in Banik’Uma that the Borg controlled!”
“That just leaves our Providence, and a lot of cleanup,” Yavitz concluded.
“I haven’t been able to get anything about plans to retake Topachan or the rest of Pinch’Ece. The last couple of days, everyone has been really tight-lipped about their movements over open frequencies.”
“Can you blame them? They are probably trying to keep the element of surprise. The battle for Topachan is going to be a bloody. How many Borg did you say were still in the city?”
“Last count I heard was about ten thousand,” Ito replied.
“That is a lot of Borg,” commented Yavitz.
“Usum!” Ito exclaimed. “Here’s another story about Ti’hat and Vulcan. It’s a good one!”
Ito went on to tell a story about an argument the two aliens got into, after the Battle of Aoex. Apparently, they were repairing something on their ship, and the argument broke out. No one was certain why they were fighting, but it was supposedly quite a sight. Ti’hat yelled and screamed at the Vulcan (as she so often did), who coldly replied something to the effect of, “That it illogical,” or “That course of action would not be recommended.” Ti’Hat then lifted a boulder and flung it at the Vulcan. He stepped aside, allowing the rock to crash to the ground, and requested in his usual monotonous tone that she ‘desist in this aberrant behavior.’ The story was quite funny, if a little silly.
Ito went on, talking about cities that had just been liberated, battles that were happening, or any other interesting bits of information that he came across. Yavitz would listen intently, enjoying hearing about the triumph of her people over the Borg, when just a few days ago, she thought that all hope was lost.
It surprised Yavitz when Ito ripped his headset off and threw it to the floor. It scared her when he grabbed his head, and tears streaked down his face. She panicked when he fell to the ground, mumbling to himself. She ran to the door of the tent, and screamed for a doctor.
She hurried to his side, and rolled him so that he was on his back. His face was soaked with tears, and he was mumbling,
“Xytin, my beloved, Xytin-.” She could do nothing to get his attention.
She has been taken, beloved, Ira’s voice said to her. The Borg must have found her ship, and assimilated her.
“No,” whispered Yavitz, as she rested her hands atop of the weeping man’s head. He continued to cry, and repeat his mate’s name, even as the doctors came into the tent and began scan his vital signs.
Through the headset on the ground, Yavitz heard that another story about Ti’hat and Vulcan was being told. She reached up, and turned off the radio.
—
“Captain, we are being hailed by the lead Khamish Mothership,” Kim reported.
“On-screen,” Janeway replied, as she settled into her chair. She was looking forward to getting underway.
A Khamish soldier appeared on the viewscreen. She nodded politely before speaking.
“Captain, it is an honor to meet you. I am the Colonel of our fleet. We are ready to begin the search for your missing soldiers. If you will give us a heading, and lead the way, we would be grateful.”
“Certainly, Colonel,” replied Janeway with a smile. “Mr. Paris? We’ll start with the first nebula the shuttle was scheduled to visit. Do you have the heading?”
“Yes Captain. Bearing 114 mark 267,” replied Paris.
“Did you get that, Colonel?” Janeway asked.
“I did,” replied the Colonel. “But are you certain the drone got it right?”
“Quite certain. Is there a problem?” Janeway knew the problem was nothing but old-fashioned prejudice. But since the Khamish men actually were simple, mindless beasts, she could hardly blame the Colonel.
“No, Captain. It will just take some getting used to, working with drones. Lead the way,” the Colonel finished, before the screen went dark.
“Do we know those ships’ safe cruising speed?” Janeway asked, still uncertain how slow she was going to have to go.
“Looks like they can do warp four, no problem,” replied Ensign Nikolayevich, who was at the bridge Engineering station.
“You heard her, Mr. Paris, warp four.” Janeway leaned back in her seat, looking forward to the trip. It might be slow, but it was taking them one step closer to finding Torres and Tuvok, and not orbiting a planet waiting.
The five Khamish motherships jumped into warp after Voyager. They flew in a battle-ready formation, always keeping Voyager as the lead ship. The Colonel shortly hailed Voyager, inquiring why Janeway was going so slow, and the speed was stepped up to warp five. Within a day, the fleet would arrive at the first nebula.
—
“It’s going to take too much time. I just can’t re-align a superconducting stator with a blowtorch!” Torres took the blowtorch, and angrily threw it out the back of the shuttle.
“Lieutenant, I believe you are allowing your frustration to interfere with your performance. Perhaps if you-”
“Tuvok, do not even get into that Vulcan emotional control
crap with me right now. I am not in the mood. What the hell is this, a pipe-wrench?” Torres moaned, tossing the bulky tool back into the bin.
“Lieutenant, I was merely suggesting that-”
“Tuvok!” Torres roared. Tuvok remained silent, deciding not to waste the energy in convincing B’Elanna.
“I’ve got two fried ODN conduits. Again, I have a blowtorch to fix them! The DCA is only at 65%, there’s some kind of kelp clogging one of the plasma injectors, and the integrity of the lower magnetic constrictor is down by 20%.”
“Lieutenant, you are not required to repair the shuttle so that it is at normal operating standards. We merely need to get off the surface, so that we can search for Voyager. I am confident that the warp drive will function adequately without two ODN conduits in proper working condition.”
“Tuvok, don’t you think I know that? The warp drive already is working, but what else do I have to do now? Nothing but fix every little part of this shuttle with these ancient tools and OW! Damn! And to trip over these useless thruster pieces! Why do we still have these anyway! We should have tossed these out a long time ago.”
“That course of action would not be advisable.”
“Tuvok, I don’t care what you think! Those thrusters are fried! I see no reason to keep useless junk on the shuttle, when we can leave it here!”
“Lieutenant, if we leave shuttlecraft parts on this planet, it is possible that the Bint’Ari could study the components, and adapt them to their own spacecraft designs,” Tuvok replied.
“Tuvok, they’re junk, nothing more than bits of metal. I couldn’t get them working even if we were on Voyager. I don’t see how a society, one that hasn’t even got Warp-fight capability, could do anything more! I don’t care what you say. I am leaving them here!” Torres picked up a piece of a broken thruster and flung it out the back of the shuttle. Tuvok had to step aside to avoid being hit.
“Lieutenant, please desist in this aberrant behavior. Your energies could be better spent.”
“Shut up, Tuvok.”
Tuvok shook his head, and made his way back to the command center inside of Aoex. Oro greeted him with a smile.
“My dear Tuvok, trying to escape the angry Ti’hat?” Oro chuckled. “I don’t blame you. She has been in a fowl mood. I suppose she’s made because we delayed our attack on the capitol. I’ve never seen anyone enjoy battle more than she does!”
“You have never met a Klingon,” replied Tuvok.
“I haven’t at that,” chuckled Oro. “You know, Ti’hat mentioned something that I am curious about. Is it true that you Vulcans can, oh, how did she put it, telepathically contact someone, without bonding?”
“No doubt you are referring to a mind meld.”
“Yes! That was it! Can you really do that?”
“The mind-meld is indeed similar to what you delineated. But, the process itself is something very difficult to describe.”
“Hmm. Well, I was thinking,” Oro began, “that maybe you could do, well, whatever that is, to my father. Maybe you can help him separate himself from the Borg. Then, maybe, we’ll have some idea of what they are planning on.”
“I have already considered the idea, but I discounted it some time ago. If I were to join with your father’s mind, My mind would be in contact with that of the Collective. The risk that my own mind might be overpowered by the Borg would be too great a risk.”
“I see,” replied Oro, busying himself with his work. “A shame. We are moving on to Topachan tomorrow morning. Do you think she will be done with her modifications to your shuttle before then?”
“I expect that she will,” replied Tuvok, “if she doesn’t damage
anything else in the shuttle before she is through.”
Oro laughed. “I knew that you had a sense of humor, Mr. Tuvok.”
“Humor was not my intent, Oro.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t.”
Star Trek, Voyager, and related properties are © Paramount Studio, and the author makes no claim towards them.
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