The Gamer’s Quagmire: 25th Edition
- Jamison DeLorenzo

I’ve dodged a lot of bullets during the course of my life. I don’t mean because I’m on a ship that broadcasts pirate signals to hack into a network or because Tommy Vercetti can drive pretty darn fast. The only thing in my life that interferes with my work life and social life are video games. Sometimes I shut off the world by turning off my cellular phone and playing games for 20 hours. Hey, it’s necessary. Considering I have managed to dodge smoking, drinking, narcotics, gambling, overeating, and series of other problems I thought that was pretty lucky.

Good thing our narcissistic society has proven me wrong once again.

Recently Europe has joined the International Society of Morons by opening a gaming detox clinic. Apparently everything on the planet requires some sort of detox clinic. Alcohol, drugs, rage, gambling, food, and gaming all have clinics. Basically everything that society in general doesn’t understand how to deal with requires a clinic of some sort. This is just another elitist move showing that people feel gaming some form of deviant behavior that needs to be cured. It isn’t. Not to push buttons, but when do people that are overdosing on Jesus Juice get treatment? Heck, they’re on that drug sometimes because they’re off of another substance (when you actually know someone in that scenario you can say these things).

Why do I bring this up? Religion is very important to a lot of Americans whether they belong to a religion, or are strongly spiritual, or strongly opposed to the whole idea. Religion is built into our Constitution as a hallowed establishment (and it should be), but when people are hopelessly addicted to a religion nobody views it as a problem that needs solving. Heck, in some cases we elect them into office. Gaming is still, and probably will be for a very long time, viewed as a subculture item and it therefore needs to be treated. Gaming is recreation and/or escapism for everyone that does it and it is always to avoid people that would drag them to clinics to ‘cure the problem.’ Visions of the movie Disturbing Behavior (as well as the Borg) keep popping into my head when I read about things like this. People who insist on viewing gaming and avoid gamers as if to avoid contracting the Ebola virus only force gamers into playing longer sessions of GTA.

I play video games 6 hours a day with ease, sometimes more. My vacations are almost always extended gaming sessions. There hasn’t been a weekend in 17 years where video games were not involved. Gaming has allowed my imagination, creativity, and problem solving skills to flourish more than any other medium. Okay, sometimes gaming did interfere with my education but my parents always made sure my homework was done. I probably would have had better grades (better than a 3.3) if I was more addicted to reading (you’ll notice that people who spend all their time reading books don’t have a clinic), but I still say with conviction that my career has benefited much more from gaming than from European History or Physics. Something as simple as reading about the technical differences of various consoles and understanding performance is a lot more useful to me than, say, the battle of Stalingrad. I also have more fun learning this stuff too.

When people link drugs to gaming it just shows the amazing level of ignorance that people have about, well, most addictions (not to mention gaming). People in high stress jobs do cocaine to stay up and keep working at a high pace. Some gamers sit in front of the television, take a hit, and eat raw cookie dough. If this requires gamers to “detox” then shouldn’t there be a place that expressly forbids people from going to work? The only potential common problem between both scenarios is the use of narcotics. Video games are never the problem. If you insist on taking drugs to play games then drugs become the problem. Next you’re going to tell me mechanics who drink coffee need to avoid coffee and car repair, right? Tell you what, when people who work office jobs stop downing a pot of coffee a day I’ll consider easing up on the 20 oz. of Mountain Dew I consume daily.

Now maybe you want to start talking about endorphins and how gamers get a kick off of it. If you want to compare how gamers are somehow addicted to endorphins and like drug addicts you’re welcome to. However, you should note some other creepy similarities. I’ve even got another package deal for you. Everyone who exercises, including your favorite athletes, depends on endorphins for sustained performance and activity. Therefore what we’re going to do is ban athletes from using endorphins and force them to enter drug rehab until they’re freed from this nasty drug. We’ll even flag you down if you have to run to catch your bus in the morning. Sound good?

What makes this a little more troubling to me that it probably should is that these clinics are starting to pop up around the same time as most of the video game media scandals. Parents are going nuts over all of the recent negative attention video games are getting so rather than, you know, spend time with their children they rush them off to a clinic to get them to stop gaming… and then go promptly back to ignoring them. If there were a pill to stop people from gaming it would be the 2nd best seller on the market right now (ahead of heartburn medicine and slightly behind boner pills). I got into gaming when I was a kid for numerous reasons. Friends played them. The cartoony graphics reminded me of my Saturday cartoons. My parents played along with me. Gaming, almost by definition, is fun. Are we all going to get carted off to a clinic? Is there going to be a special wing for those hopelessly addicted to Monopoly? Is there even stronger medicine for those who can’t get enough Chutes & Ladders?

Games are supposed to be fun. That’s what gaming is at its very core. You can make games with pretty graphics, games that have no endings, and games with tons of levels of unlockable content but in the end if they’re fun they are always going to be more appealing than, well, anything constructive. That’s the point. If you don’t want to play video games that’s just fine, but for the love of everything that’s sane please don’t equate your gambling and in-debt cousin to your gaming cousin. Aside from bloodline there is no similarity, and the sooner you stop trying to prevent people from doing things you don’t like the better this world will be.

Or, to put it more bluntly: take your snake oil someplace else.

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