The Gamer’s Quagmire: 20th Edition
- Jamison DeLorenzo

Here’s what bugs me most about the video game world (seriously)- that different markets receive games at different times. Every single Final Fantasy fan outside of the Asian market is feeling this current effect. All of us are debating learning Japanese so we can play through Final Fantasy XII- pretty much the next game in the main series after X. The franchise has undergone some very interesting changes- perhaps a direct effect of Square being purchased by Enix. Whatever your theory, it doesn’t solve the overall problem of Final Fantasy being months away from being released on the PS2. In other words, let me thank Square for giving me one reason to keep my PS2 dust free before it permanently takes up residence in my console retirement home (a.k.a. closet).

My gaming sabbatical in Seattle last week almost immediately started with discussions of Final Fantasy lore. Surely enough XII was the center of attention for several minutes before I died again on the inside waiting for its release and then moved onto my first XBox 360 experience. I thought about the series to date in what turned out to be an almost constant drunken state for the week and remembered writing a massive article on Final Fantasy just before X came out. This got me thinking- wouldn’t it be fun to do that again?

This is about how games in the Final Fantasy series stack up against each other. Before I get into the guts of my argument, I’d like to point out which games are going to be part of the review. Every game available from the Super Nintendo upwards that is part of the main series is what I’m covering… along with Final Fantasy 5. There is no Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, Crystal Chronicles, Tactics, Tactics Advance, or anything else along those lines. I realize that fans of the imports from Japan are going to be bothered by this, but to be perfectly honest I have not going through those games with much precision. As such I don’t want to go over details that I don’t know up and down.

So before we begin, I should probably clue you in on how this is going to work. I’ll be breaking this study into two major sections- RPG Necessities and Coolstuff Extras (yes, both are technical terms). I wrote a lot of these comments before Final Fantasy X came out (because I was highly anticipating the game) which makes a lot of these comments a little dated. If the writing style doesn’t feel contiguous and consistent that’s probably the reason why. So here it is- all my thoughts and opinions on all the Final Fantasy games to date. And be prepared.

Without any further interruptions and segways, the following is my proud scribblings on the Final Fantasy series to date in anticipation of the next epic chapter in the series.

RPG Necessities:

Plot

Final Fantasy 4: This had some very intriguing spots. The demise of the Red Wings (not the hockey team), the fall of Baron, the mystery of Golbez, the mysticism of the Moon. By today’s standards a plot where the moon is a haven for monsters probably wouldn’t fly (it’s more of a geosynchronous orbit). This game made it work to a degree. You never really knew who the bad guy was in the game until the very end. It always seemed to be Golbez. You never even heard of Zemus/Zeromus until you met him. This is a big annoyance of mine. Sure, you do feel sympathy for Golbez once you find out what’s going on but you need to give that part of the story more time. Out of 10 this plot rates around a 7. The plot worked. It wasn’t spectacular, but it worked. A couple holes existed- such as the two annoying twin mages who were turned to stone. The ending shows them mystically being unpetrified. Next came Kain- you never truly find out a thing about him. He did not seem to have any loyalties or how he even was Cecil’s friend to begin with. And honestly, when you have a character act completely insane for most of the game you want to know why.

Final Fantasy 5: This plot was quite odd. Odd, however, can be good. Here it was. Was it great? Was it fantastic? Was it stupendous? Was it… ah, you get the idea. Wait, you probably don’t. What I just did made almost no sense. Eh, it could be worse. At least I stopped starting every sentence with the letter ‘w.’ There weren’t that many characters in the game. I’m aware that this game’s predecessor allowed only 5, but at least those 5 weren’t static and there were plenty of major roles outside of the party you control. Cid makes his second appearance as a know-it-all engineer here. I love that guy. My only question is why did Mid have to exist? At least change his name. My goodness, shouldn’t he only be half as smart as Cid? Onto the main point- the plot was not that different from 4. We have 4 crystals instead of 8, we have the crystals releasing a sealed demon (X-Death is another name I could have lived without) instead of a passage to a moon. There were not any real problems with the plot in this game. There just wasn’t enough for me. 4’s plot seemed to be more involved than 5’s, but in this one you got a looming taste of the bad guy. Unlike with Golbez, X-Death was the bulk of your worries. I don’t like being surprised at the end of the game (half-way through is more than acceptable). However, a second bland plot in a row with crystals wasn’t overpoweringly cool- hence a 6.

Final Fantasy 6: Probably the only RPG I’ve played where the main hero of the story is unclear. Probably the biggest argument can be made for Terra, although Cyan received the lead in the end credits. To be fair it made for an interesting plot. There were many plot splits in the game where if there WAS a clear-cut hero, using 3 minor fuddy-duddys to complete a quest would have been an incredible bore. Espers were quite interesting, as was the whole Kefka/Leo struggle. We all thought toppling the evil Empire was the solution to our problems until Kefka did that minor annoyance of attempting to destroy the world. Just enough twists to make the game interesting, although I cannot vouch for any real plot development after that point outside of Locke. This plot worked very well- Espers, mystical ancient powers and Kefka- a winning combination. Moogles… well I never could get used to them… essentially they’re a slightly less annoying version of Ewoks. This plot gets an 8.

Final Fantasy 7: The 1st FF for the PlayStation- probably caused the biggest buzz of any FF to date. There were a nice collection of struggles going on in this game: Soldier vs. Avalanche, Cloud vs. Sephiroth, and my favorite- Tifa vs. Aeris. This plot had me hooked from the very beginning all the way to the end. And I don’t think anyone would mind killing off Cait Sith or Yuffie. Sephiroth provided a perfect mood for the game… a descent into madness so powerful it even overwhelmed our hero Cloud. There really wasn’t a bad element to the plot at all, minus an ending that could have used a little more than the “Yes, the world was saved” thing- this gets a 9.

Final Fantasy 8: Probably has received the biggest thrashing of any FF game on every message board I’ve perused/contributed to. The plot had me hooked and I played through the game about 5 times without any problem (deus ex machina or not). What can I say, time compression was something that had me mesmerized. Sorceress Edea seemed like a real problem and I thought I’d have to kill her, amazing she wasn’t the real problem (although I should have figured that knowing how these games go). So who’s the worst- Seifer, Edea, or Ultimecia? Once you saw Rinoa become possessed you had a feeling that none of the revealed villains were in full control, so the surprise villain at the end was, from a certain perspective, expected. I loved the constant struggle between Seifer and Squall. I loved beating up on some tough guy who doesn’t know any better. Too bad… he should have read the script. Then there’s Laguna- an interesting parallel story going on. How Laguna and Squall met up at the end fused the story together quite nicely. Some can call it a strength, some call it a weak plot which needed a crutch to get onto Disc 4. I liked it, so I’m giving it an 8.

Final Fantasy 9: To be perfectly honest, I cannot remember a plot ever taking so long to develop. Not to be overly melodramatic, but Titanic had more suspense (OK, that is overdoing it). You’re chasing your tail (pun intended) for about 2 discs before you even start to figure out that this game is about you and not Garnet. Finding out that you’re part of a grand experiment was rather interesting. The Genome Project was a bit intriguing- although Jenova from Final Fantasy 7 was a lot cooler, not to mention more original. And the hero going losing his mind for about 2 minutes was not something that impressed me. Like Genome it was just another cheesy implementation of something that was done in 7. And then there’s Excalibur II. The fact that you can get to the near end of the game in 12 hours tells me that this game needed a lot more of a storyline than the added baggage/garbage that came with it. There was a lot going on- the Mist, the rampant destruction of towns, the hunt for the black crystal. I never got the sense of a real bad guy during the whole game- even the Queen of Alexandria we knew wasn’t causing a problem. Keep in mind that we kept hearing about a stranger who seemed to corrupt the Queen’s thoughts. Once we found out who that guy was, he didn’t seem to know what he was doing either. The biggest nuisance in the game seemed to be a spaceship. Huh? Too much of a big deal was made with character models in this game. It was almost like the game designer lost focus of the plot- which is a 6.

Final Fantasy X: A Quantum Leap forward onto the PS2, right? In fairness I was a little star struck by the old games at this point in time but I walked into X with an open mind. To get through the plot you needed to have one too. The overall story provides two major themes that are easy to relate to- religion versus technology and the false prophecy. Multiple characters are in a constant battle with their namesake (which was followed with a plot twist straight from the book of Skywalker). There was a great mix of characters set out to protect one another. Rikku was an exception but she works herself into the trusting arms of everyone else very nicely. And as you watch the game opening you see a narrative which turns out to be pretty solid foreshadowing. Here’s the amazing thing- the ending wasn’t just a nice little ribbon-tying event. You get to see some sense of emotion from what happens as the end boss is defeated and you get to see its effects on the world after you destroy the true evil you sought out to kill from the beginning. If I weren’t so hesitant to give out perfect scores for plot this game would get one, so this is a very strong 9.

Graphics/Sound:

Final Fantasy 4: Obviously you cannot get that advanced with graphics and sound on a SNES. And let’s face it, 8-bit MIDIs from the early 90’s are not known for their harmonic brilliance. However, that’s not allowing a fair comparison is it? You know me and ratings- overpoweringly anal urges to be fair as possible so not to allow technology of the times to dictate that games 20 years later have better graphics and sound.

From a static comparison I don’t think anyone is going to argue that Final Fantasy 7’s soundtrack wasn’t as good as this one’s. Be that as it may, the sound was certainly very enjoyable in this game. I don’t recall particularly enjoying a specific piece in this game outside of Baron’s music, Tower of Bab-il, Lunar Subterrane, Zeromus’ battle music, and the ending sequence. It’s hard to argue with a classic. How many times has the crystal theme from Final Fantasy been remixed for future games in the series? We all know the answer to that. There are some particularly cheesy pieces in the game such as Mysidia, the Underworld, and a couple others (my memory is not perfect… and my copy of the game was stolen. Where are you you jerk!?!!).

As for the graphics- they were very good for the times. They weren’t perfect, but at the time RPGs were not noted for their amazing graphics or FMV. They were noted for length, in-depth story line, and countless treasure troves. This delivered more than enough for me, although it certainly wasn’t the best looking RPG ever seen for the SNES. Essentially, I’m giving a little under a perfect score for soundtrack simply because after hearing the ending theme I believe a lot more could have been done with the rest of the game and I’m giving about the same for graphics- a 7.

Final Fantasy 5: I can pretty much type here what I typed for 4. I played this game right after going through 4 again just to live the sequence properly (let’s face it, playing 8 and then this is a real downer). I did not notice a difference. The layout of the world looked the same. The characters looked a little better (the format of the models looked identical to 6’s), but the enemies looked the same.

So what about the sound? Well, it’s hard to judge because MIDIs on the PlayStation do sound different (to me, anyway) than on an SNES. To that end, I believe that the sound was essentially the same as 4’s. There is no catchy tune, no cool effects, and no cool ambient noises. Honestly I cannot write much about the graphics and sound for this strictly because there is nothing new here. Due to the lack of high quality tracks, the rating is 1 less than Final Fantasy 4. Yep, you guessed it- 6.

Final Fantasy 6: Probably most gorgeous looking RPG for the SNES ever made outside of Chrono Trigger. I bought this game when it first came out for $59.99. I remember the first words out of my mouth after watching the opening sequence- “This game is already worth $60.” This game provided the first real epic feeling for me in this series. Every other story I’d seen up to that point was certainly interesting, but this game provided a movie feeling to it. Opening credits for crying out loud- in a game??? I’d never seen it before. I loved it.

The music and the graphics were something to behold in this game. For a cartridge-based system I was more than impressed. There was plenty of good music which more than set the mood for what was going on. Granted, I believe the generic music for the Opera House was something that needed an overhaul. I’ve listened to this soundtrack plenty of times to know that there was plenty of incredible music for this game- especially the music for fighting Atma. In this department this game had it all, which is to say a 9.

Final Fantasy 7: This was just one of those games which caused so much of a commotion that I can’t remember ever being in an Electronics Boutique and listen to so many people talk about 1 game. It is simply amazing- I played this game for 5 days straight and began to take note of the graphics, as I’d never seen so much attention paid to graphics in an RPG before.

There certainly was a lot of good. The FMVs were outstandingly stupendous (or stupendously outstanding- I can’t quite remember), the terrain for the world was great, the varying themes for the towns was very cool, and the spells were well done. Only looking at these components of the graphics, it gets a 10. However, the character models were severely lacking. The hands were blocks, the arms were polygonal, and the hair was curved but in very noticeable straight lines. Thankfully the character models were the only major flaw with the graphics in the game.

The soundtrack to the game was very cool. I purchased the soundtrack about 2 weeks after I beat the game. I can honestly state that this was a great soundtrack. It’s not something I listen to with that much regularity- we are talking video game music here. However, when playing the game the effects and the music certainly fit into the game very well. Sephiroth’s theme music is about as memorable as the Imperial March- I really did sense evil when this music played. Who knows, maybe Darth Vader and Sephiroth have some kind of connection between them? All told, graphics and sound in this game are an 8. What can I say, the music was good but not perfect, and the badly-shaped character models’ constant presence detract from an otherwise perfect mix of graphics and sound.

Final Fantasy 8: The opening sequence in this game pretty much says it all. I actually played this opening about 3 times before I allowed myself to become engrossed in the game. The FMV was awe-inspiring and the opening score is simply phenomenal. Really, the quality of the FMVs in this game did not change from the previous game, but the way they were seamlessly placed into the gameplay as opposed to the black screen interlude was the real difference. It seemed to be more part of the story as opposed to just a movie timeout. I know, when playing 7 the movies didn’t seem like timeouts. Comparing the 2 games that’s just the way it seems.

So there’s almost no difference in the FMV graphics. What about character models? I’ve read argument after argument about the models in this game and they seem to get very bitter. I will concede that, in a way, the models in this game look like sticks. I continue, however, that their movement was great. Zell’s attacks showed great animation of arms and legs, and the proportions of the whole model actually made the characters in the game look like people. This is in huge contrast to the walking geometrical disasters from 7. My true opinion of those models, and I’m surprised I have heard nobody else mention this, is that it looked like 3D Picasso Models. Out of proportion and were the movies not part of the game I’d have serious debates as to whether or not the characters in the game were human.

OK, enough of that. So now you know the graphics in game (along with the spells and backdrops for towns and fight sequences) are good. What about the sound? Simply put, it’s the best soundtrack to a game I’ve ever heard. This soundtrack I can listen to pretty regularly. There are a lot of great tracks in the game- from opening score to the graduation dance to Griever’s battle music there are plenty of great tracks to go around. The sound effects are pretty good too. Differently junctioned spells actually make the attacks sound different when they connect. This level of detail certainly isn’t necessary, but I like it. And so you know, in a different life I was a generous Olympic judge- 10.

Final Fantasy 9: About the only thing I heard about this game before I bought it was how great the character models looked. That almost seemed like the point my peers tried to sell the game on. I saw the commercials from Square on TV and it looked like another epic. And when the game started I expected more of the same. It opened like a movie, and the opening sequence once again was something to behold. However, the character models are not ground-breaking. They are sprites. That is not say they don’t look good- they do. What I won’t say is that they are superior to 8’s. They’re probably the second-best character model I’ve ever seen, no doubt about that. But do not tell me that they’ve improved here… they have not.

The sound was certainly on par with the last game. I’d have to honestly say that the soundtrack is probably the strongest part of this game outside of the battle system. Now, is 8 or 9’s soundtrack better? That’s a question I do not think I can answer decidedly.

Overall, the last part of this game I want to cover is the FMVs. It is very subtle, but the way the characters looked in the FMV definitely reflected the smaller, rounder characters in the game. If the character models that were used in 8 were also used in 9 I don’t think anyone would be able to distinguish Garnet from Rinoa. The FMV with Alexander protecting, ironically enough, Alexandria castle is one of the best FMVs to date in the series. Not the best one, but it definitely blew my mind. In the end, I didn’t see any advantages in this department for 9 over 8, but I can see them over 7. Hence, this gets a 9.

Final Fantasy X: This game definitely boasts the most powerful graphics, but it grasped the power of its console no more so than the games on the previous console. The movies were beyond jaw-dropping, the visuals were stunning, and the character models were by far the best to date. In other words the improvement was nothing more than what we’ve seen from the past 4 Final Fantasy games. And by the way, if you didn’t get chills down your spine when Tidus was sliding down the airhip cables to rescue Yuna then you have no soul (okay, maybe some latent pyreflies).

The soundtrack for this game also did not disappoint. Uematsu at his finest is still Final Fantasy 8, but this is game was darn close. All of the music and themes capture their scenes perfectly. This is especially poignant in the headlined scene with Yuna and Tidus embracing in the Macalania tide pool. With the exception of the punk rock track from the initial blitzball match there is nothing about the soundtrack I would change at all. Still, considering all of the strengths in this department this definitely felt like the franchise returning to form in this arena- a solid 10.

Side Quests:

Final Fantasy 4: I remember playing this game trying to figure out every last detail about it. I went after every treasure there was to be found. I hunted and hunted I believe I was able to obtain every last treasure. From the ever-cheesy Imp call to Bahamut I found all of Rydia’s spells. I found the Crystal Sword and Adamant armor for Cecil. I even was one of the first to trip over the item duplication cheat (nevermind that that was not a side quest). Really, if you did not go after everything in this game marching through Lunar Subterrane was a bear. Rydia, even at level 99, was a true wimp unless you found all of her calls. There weren’t many side-quests in this game, but they were all necessary: 8.

Final Fantasy 5: There were a lot of extra things to do in this game. They are not really noticeable. The sides in this game here are go to this town, talk to that guy, and that allows you to go here and get this. I know there’s more to it than that, but that’s what it felt like. Still, if you don’t try to get anything extra you don’t get any of the really cool weapons in this game. To be fair, it seems to me that after looking at all the different aspects to the game, there really did not seem to be anything outstanding about the game outside of the battle system. The quests in this game were certainly worthwhile, but I am not going to jump up and down about them. Essentially it’s the same deal as 4, except they were not quite as interesting- 7.

Final Fantasy 6: Another game where side-quests actually meant something. There were not a whole lot of them in the world B.D. (before destruction). Aside from Gau’s Rages, the Atma Weapon sword, and figuring out Shadow’s past there wasn’t anything special. Most of the sides came in the world A.D. (after destruction). Finding every character wasn’t that bad, but I’ll bet you climbing and finding everything in Kefka’s tower, hunting down all-powerful Gogo, and finding the loot in the final castle was a little entertaining (stupid Doom Dragons…). There was a great balance of sides here. Completing them actually made life simple, and I don’t recall any worthless quests. I don’t give these out much, but this was a 10.

Final Fantasy 7: Things began to go south here. Perhaps the biggest chore was obtaining the Gold Chocobo- probably because it took about 4 hours of constant attention to get it right. Be honest, the Gold Saucer music and Chocobo race music became annoying after a while. At least there was that special black chocobo that occasionally made races interesting. Who knew years of playing Top Gear would finally pay off in an RPG? Seriously though, collecting the materia was not something to sneeze at. Sure there were some very pointless ones. But I’ll bet that you loved getting that Knights of the Round. Mime was another beautiful one. Super-All was one my college roommates loved, but really was worthless in my mind. Just 4X and mime everything and you’ve got yourself a party. The only real complaint of mine was killing off the Weapons. Why am I hunting down creatures designed to protect the Earth from evil? And killing them certainly didn’t net much either. Let’s see, killing red netted me a gold chocobo (2 are useless!!) and killing the other one required morphing the pirate ship and then bringing the book to some loser in exchange for the Underwater materia. Right… and how is that solvable without a guide? The only reward was a near overload of AP, which was the only thing preventing me from going ballistic on the subject. In the end,
it boils down to near perfection- 9.

Final Fantasy 8: This is probably the only weak point in the whole game in my mind. Really, the side quests were not all that spectacular. Finding everything essentially boiled down to being overly anal with Draw magic and Triple Triad. Let’s be honest, I think we all could have lived without Winhill. That creepy thing with the UFO was really nothing other than creepy. And if I hear anything about Shumi Village again I’m gonna kill someone. The first time through I devoted my life completing that statue and establishing the link between there and Fisherman’s Horizon. Guess what- figuring it all out wasn’t all that satisfying. I loved the Lionheart sword, I loved being able to mess around with Ultima Weapon and steal 300 Ultima spells (for stat boosting), and I couldn’t get over Quistis’ Shockwave Pulsar. *Drooooooool* Overall I believe that there are enough pointless side-quests in this game to bug me. The only thing saving them from my wrath is that there is at least some form of plot development behind a couple of the quests. Final Fantasy 8 gets an 8.

Final Fantasy 9: Not to be outdone, the decline of side quests continued its way through FF9. I can’t think a single side-quest worth the effort outside of beating up Hades, and that barely qualifies as a quest. Take 3 steps to the right off of a required path in the final castle and win the fight. Wow- the complication is overwhelming. Finding all the magic and weapons seemed to happen on the straight line of the story and Deguerro seemed to be the only place of interest when it came to finding all the really cool treasure. And here’s a message to the first person to figure out you needed to get to the Atrium in the final castle in under 12 hours to get Excalibur II- GET A LIFE!!!! I managed to find a talking book in Alexandria castle- I thought the challenge involved with finding and killing yielded quite a pathetic reward. Not that bad rewards are new, but in this game they pile up quicker than a pile of dirty diapers in a home with quintuplets. The cards, the coins, chocobos, and Quina. Somebody tell me the point, please! Congratulations FF9, you deserve it- 6.

Final Fantasy X: It’s always nice to see when developers see weaknesses from past games and get things going on the right track again. The sheer pointlessness of everything extra in the previous game was remedied with almost everything being fun in this game. For starters, this game showed me why I should never say never. Triple Triad felt like the pinnacle of side quests until I met blitzball. Prizes from this game indeed help your characters become more powerful fighters. The scope of recruiting free agents and playing teams from across the planet is felt with every area you explore. Learning the Al Bhed language, despite it feeling a little contrived, was enjoyable and rewarding. Getting the top summon in the game provided enough difficulty where it felt rewarding without making you ask how in the world you got there in the first place. Finally, the Monster Arena and the Ultimate Weapon quests showed us the true joy that comes from being a power-gamer (when dropping 9’s changed from 9999 to 99,999 I almost cried). Speaking of dropping 9’s, the rating here is a 9.

Fighting System:

Final Fantasy 4: The system here was pretty basic- 5 characters. There were gloves, rings, bows, wands, armor, swords, and claws. In short, it has everything a growing boy needs. You could even throw darts and swords at people. The Dragoon Kain was probably the most useful fighter in the party. Well, that’s only true without Cecil simply because that Crystal Sword was so powerful. I liked the balance, and Rydia being always low on HP it kept you on your toes. There was nothing wrong with the system, but there was nothing spectacular. However, there is something to be said about a D&D style system- 8.

Final Fantasy 5: Before I even played this game I heard people ranting and raving about how cool the Job system was in this game. You know what? They were right! I like it a lot. This makes the game a lot like a true RPG. This system allows you to choose what type of character you want to be. Personally, I am a big fan of making the hero a paladin. Hence, I focused on knight, white wizard, and sorcerer training for my hero. The magic in this game has interesting power, but we’re not in the obsession of dropping 9’s yet. That is very acceptable- I believe that as long as the damage is proportional to enemy HP totals it is fine with me. We can see the beginnings of the ATB in this game- the meter that’s used here is also used more efficiently in 6. It is nice, although I wish it was not required viewing. Anyway, the point I want to emphasize is that the battle system is top-notch. It is one of the best to date as it is incredibly customizable. Its elegance is only punctuated by how well it works in X-2. Final Fantasy 5 doubles up with a 10.

Final Fantasy 6: Different fighting styles remained quite prevalent and maintaining a good balance of brawn vs. brains was very relevant. And along came the Espers. This was the 1st in a series of changes made to the magic system in the FF series. Different characters learned spells at different rates, but they all learned the same spells. Terra and Celes were most definitely the best magic users, but I was always able to get Shadow above 100 in magic power. Hey, he was my favorite character in the game. We were reduced to 4 characters- but that really didn’t bother me. I was able to beat Kefka with 4 imps so I won’t complain about it being a very difficult system. 1 point for Esper ingenuity, 1 point for Relic ingenuity, -1 for no spell variation between characters- 9.

Final Fantasy 7: The battle system really started to get interesting here. Armor was phased out, and Materia was brought in. The more I played it, the more I figured out what could be done with the system. Playing this over and over again made me appreciate it more and more. Such a simple system- combine at most 2 materia and any character can use any Materia. Of course, lame characters always got the effect and summon materia so my homerun hitters didn’t have to waste their time. Tifa was the best fighter in the game- powerful attacks and a high magic rating. What more could you ask for? Sure, she didn’t hit nearly as hard as Cloud, but he’s the hero. And who could hit harder than a level 99 Materia warrior with an oversized meat cleaver? I still wanted Sephiroth’s sword anyway. Aside from the Materia was the Limit Breaks. This was fantastic. Boy oh boy was Omnislash fun to use in the Battle Arena with Mime. Different breaks for different characters- with Tifa’s by far the most fun to use. Great system with 1 flaw- bracelets and no armor. 2 points for Materia and Limit Breaks- 10.

Final Fantasy 8: The system changes yet again. The way ATB was advertised in the game it almost seemed like the first hardened release of a piece of software for the PC. I know a lot of people had problems with the Draw magic, in that it took an incredible amount of time to do anything with it. My response- keep the magic stat high, use haste, and it’s quite quick. The chore of leveling up is almost no longer tiresome. Essentially one chore has been replaced by another. Leveling up became a by-product of hunting down magic. Summons did take awhile, but they’re a complete waste of time. The gunblade is so powerful it doesn’t matter. Limit breaks are very easy to use. Think about this- this system essentially moved the power of the character to the junction from the magic. Knights of the Round was replaced by Holy War (not directly, but it’s essentially the same thing). Both FF7 and 8 restrict you to 3 characters. The only thing that threw me for a loop in this game was the lack of shops. I’m very used to weapon, armor, and item shops. Now it’s junk, pet and item shops. It is very non-traditional, but quite workable. That’s why I don’t tend to argue with FF fundamentalists- their point makes sense. I prefer the old way, but I can adapt- 10.

Final Fantasy 9: Back to the good ol’ days of weapon and armor shops. Summons have been shortened, but I still don’t use them. Why use them when I can use limit breaks and Steiner’s beatdown stick? Now the magic system relies in crystals. Each character in the game has their own abilities, and hence cannot always make use of every skill that can be learned from an item. Heck, we even have boots again. That was certainly enjoyable. We’re bringing back the old and it worked really well, but there’s no 1 new thing that makes the battle system over-the-edge cool. Final Fantasy 6 used Relics, 7 used Materia, and 8 used Junction. The crystals was an interesting idea, but there wasn’t enough ingenuity in it to warrant a perfect score, so 9 gets 9.

Final Fantasy X: Those of you that were expecting traditional summons got a nice treat- the summons became playable characters. The days of one quick strike were gone. Bahamut and everyone else became a true force to deal with. Watching the aeons lay the smack down on enemies was truly enjoyable. For the first time I had a sense of invincibility against the fire bombs when I tossed Ifrit out of the frying pan (sorry, it was irresistible). Of course, the prize of the battle system is true active time and the Sphere Grid. This battle system more than any other allows the characters to undergo a metamorphosis into unstoppable killing machines. If you spent the hundreds of hours necessary to rebuild the sphere grid watching Kimahri with 23,000 hit points eat through enemies was eerily reminiscent of the Tazmanian Devil. X features the most prominent battle system in the franchise this side of 7, which means another 10.

Halfway Marks:

Well, to be honest as I’m typing this I don’t know what the current rankings are for the games. I know it has been a lot of reading so far. There is more to go so keep your pants on. That is unless you are reading this in your underwear, in which case I do not want to hear about it unless you are a single attractive female- 8-o.

Here are the current standings:

At this point I was sure that 9 was receiving higher marks than that. Oh well, moronic side quests and a boring story will do that do you. But it’s not quite game over yet. It just wouldn’t be me if I didn’t break this down any further. Now it’s time for the cool awards- games that just have that special something that can’t be described in the basic categories I’ve outlined so far. Everything so far has been a review of structural requirements, like a solid pizza without any toppings.

(I really need to remind myself never to write these articles while I’m ravenously hungry)

Coolstuff Extras:

There is more to a game than bare necessities, however. What sets games apart from others is a unique flavoring of characters (you know, a personality). It certainly can be argued that I do not have one, but I know a good one when I see one. Here is the scoring system for this section: 5 points for a gold, 3 points for silver, and 1 for bronze.

Clark Kent Hero Award:

1st place: Squall Lionheart. Quite simply his sword did most of his talking. A man who kept to himself and didn’t take crap from anyone. Probably the only hero in the series crazy enough to jump into outer space to rescue someone. His Lionheart skill is awesome and nobody can beat the master of the gunblade. He even carried a leader’s qualities without even realizing it. He is the only character in the FF series that a large group of people seem to rally behind no matter where he goes. “So what do you have to say now that you’ve won this award, Squall?” “Whatever.”

2nd place: Cecil. Never mess with a paladin, that’s the lesson. Quite simply there was nobody that could stop this man. Sure, the Dark Elf had some fun with him and it hurts to be rescued by a bard but given that this elf hurts anyone with metal every hero gets killed by this jerk. Put this man in FF8 and he’d give Squall a run for his money. Anyone who has played a paladin knows the pain of a knight with healing power. What bothered me about Cecil, however, was that it felt like there should be more emotion from him being someone driven to atone for his sins as a Dark Knight.

Honorable Mention: Cloud Strife. That meat cleaver of his was something anyone would worry about. A little mentally unstable but Materia soldiers tend to have that problem. This boy his strong when his brain isn’t on the fritz. In almost no time he was essentially running Avalanche. Omnislash is just one of those things to avoid at all costs. Unlike Cecil you felt the pain that Could felt when he learned about who he really was. The difference is that he didn’t feel like a bonafide leader.

Darth Vader Villain Award:

1st place: Sephiroth. Quite honestly this was a tough decision to make- but any villain who can create incredible havoc from beyond the grave is a villain not to mess with. This guy’s theme music was creepy and there really is almost nothing scarier than a genetically manipulated warrior who seeks to retrofit the world to his own desire. When I first saw what was driving Sephiroth up a wall I thought to myself, “Oh Shit.” Always leave it to a large corporation to destroy itself by trying to play God. Perhaps Shin-Ra can serve as a warning to Microsoft? Heh heh, no hard feelings- I’m just a big follower of crazed government lawsuits. OK, we’re off-topic now. Plain and simple, this guy was dangerous and knew everything about the most powerful magic in the world, including how to manipulate it. Combine that with a lust for power and a deadly sword and you’ve got yourself a nightmare to deal with.

2nd place: Golbez. Come on, this guy LOOKS like Darth Vader for crying out loud. This guy pestered everyone throughout the whole game and messed with so many people’s heads. He basically had Kain wrapped around his finger and was ever so close to tearing Cecil’s brain out as well. This guy’s power was pure magic and mind-screwing. If only he had a strong sword that would contend with Sephiroth. Alas, he only had a weak pet serpent. It took a lot to turn this guy away from the side of evil and his theme music wasn’t exactly comforting either. He even shared the same blood as the hero. Not that it makes a difference, he was a cold-hearted jerk… my kind of guy!

Honorable Mention: Seymour Guado. You pretty much hate him for most of the game because you know he’s manipulating people from the first time you meet up with him. His own people are completely blind to his contempt. He even manages to commit the cardinal sin of any character in an RPG of going after the hero’s love interest. Shame on you Seymour! Very few enemies in the franchise provide satisfaction on their death, and this is definitely another case of schadenfreude.

George Thorogood Bad to the Bone Character Award:

1st place: Shadow. You’ve got to love the dark and mysterious stranger, don’t you? Throughout the game he simply does want he wants, and he even was dominating at the Colloseum… that is until I got there. What makes him more bad ass than any other character in the Final Fantasy series? I honestly have never seen a more cold-hearted warrior in any game. He has killed his emotions and he knows how to kill many enemies. He showed allegiance to nobody. And what was his primary concern during the whole game? His attack dog… an assassin’s best friend.

2nd place: Auron. Undoubtedly the mentally toughest character in the series to date. He believes he can kill pretty much everything and intermittently offers his sage-like wisdom. After you find out everything about him (I hate working my way around spoilers, sorry) everything about his demeanor makes perfect sense. The size of his sword is also pretty impressive along with the way he slings it over his shoulder. I like booze as a good companion but it doesn’t beat an attack dog- not by a long shot. And speaking of shots…

3rd place: Vincent Valentine. There’s always something to be said about a cloaked man with a gun. Vincent has more than that going for him- he also has that special lycanthropy quality about him. I must admit I loved transforming into that chainsaw wielding maniac. An Ex-Turk with the curse of not saving lives… anyone with that cloud of guilt above his head (not the hero, naturally) and a double-barreled shotgun just oozes cool.

Robin Sidekick Award:

1st place: Steiner. There are plenty of characters in the FF series that are great to have in the battle alongside you, but none really match this man. Personally I do not care for Steiner’s incredibly stupid mannerisms but when it comes to his job he really is the best. Right now I do not remember the name of the sword I got for him, but it was the best one next to Excalibur II (you already know my opinions on that sword being in the game). Near the end of the game almost any hit delivered by him was dropping 9’s or close to it… making his limit breaks almost wholly unnecessary (except for the elemental sword attack). This guy was an enemy whomping machine and I loved it.

2nd place: Zell Dincht. Probably didn’t see this coming, eh? Well, overall he had more strength than Tifa and you could string his limit breaks for more damage. I never really understood why you could buy his most powerful moves for his limit break and you had to do a couple obscure things to get the ones you almost never used. I know, there is that whole chaining thing so in a sense getting the top one is pointless if you can’t get to it. Anyway, this guy was just a warrior you could send into any battle. Zell was never afraid to voice is opinions or run into any battle. Not that it mattered a whole lot but he even knew a lot about that moving underwater research facility. His skateboarding thing lost some points with me but that was just in the bad-ass department. As a sidekick only Steiner tops him for that monster-beating reliability.

Honorable Mention: Edge. The bronze was a tough one to give out this time around, so I spent a lot of time pondering this one (more so than usual, anyway). The main competition here was between Edge, Shadow, Kain, Tifa and Vincent. All were incredible warriors and I honestly believe that Kain can do the most damage. That being said, there are many drawbacks to each of these characters. Yes, Kain can avoid attacks by being off-screen but it’s the intangibles that cause problems here. He randomly leaves the party and he steals from you. Shadow just leaves when he wants to. This is a good bad-ass quality, but not a good sidekick quality. Edge can use two swords, he runs into any battle, he can throw ninja stars, and he can use blitz attacks so you can escape from a fight at any time. I don’t know about you, but I am going to buy this man a beer.

George Carlin Comedy Relief Award:

1st place: Quina. I could not get enough of this guy. He was great. Always getting to trouble looking for things to eat. He didn’t know any better and everyone was scared of him (because he was big and weird… he didn’t exactly epitomize the concept of intimidating). He chased down mages and almost drowned breathing air in the final castle. For me he was the brightest spot in the whole game. Now, where’s my burrito?

2nd place: Gau. The source of constant entertainment in FF6. Some of the creatures he could leap onto just
made me laugh uncontrollably. From his oddball dancing when you first met him to some of his quotes this guy had one of
the best personalities in the game. Seriously, can anyone ever top “Does Mr. Thou like shiny thing?”

Honorable Mention: Selphie. This may come as a surprise to you. I didn’t like her at all as a fighter, but she really had a cool attitude throughout the game. From the believing that the President of Galbadia would declare a message of peace to wanting to send missiles at almost everything to failed attempts at running the Garden Festival I believe her sole purpose of existence was to provide comedy relief for the game. Now let us never mention her again.

Ex-Lax Bloated Ego Award:

1st place: Sephiroth. Having a big ego and being a head-strong villain go hand in hand. Sephiroth was really into generating power for himself more than anyone else in the whole series. He believed he had the power to mold himself with the planet. He mastered Materia magic and the more powerful he got the more cocky he got. I certainly wouldn’t stand in his away (unless I read the script and found out I was the hero).

2nd place: Irvine Kinneas. When it comes to inflating an ego almost nobody does better at inflating his own than Irvine. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a sniper and a cowboy- you think you can do it all. Hitting on every woman in the game minus Edea (thank the lord) made it amusing to watch this guy get shot down at every turn.

Honorable Mention: Seifer. Perhaps more stubborn than egotistical, he always felt like destiny was his. He always tried to prove himself to be the best gunblade fighter in the world. Things only got worse when he began to work for the evil sorceress. I think he would benefit the most from a dose of Ex-Lax, don’t you?

BMW Ultimate Transportation Award:

1st place: Blue Whale. No other ship comes close. Where else can you get a vehicle that can fly around the whole planet, go to the moon AND carry all of your backup items via a Great Chocobo? I absolutely love this thing. It makes a dramatic entrance and is a one-of-a-kind starship. It also has the best theme music. Now if only this ship had a sport coupe model and a retractable sun roof I’d be all set.

2nd place: Spaceship Ragnarok. This is how to travel in style. I did not like the fact that it was initially infested, but it made gaining ownership of the thing all the more satisfying. This thing has machine guns and retractable claws. Can you use them in the game- of course not. Too bad to. I think killing Doom Gaze(FF6) would be a whole lot easier. This ship has one of the slickest designs around, it is quick and has auto-pilot. It probably also has cruise control, AC and power steering but I’m not sure about reclining rocket seats and power windows.

Honorable Mention: Gold Chocobo(FF7). Very inventive bird- kind of the ATV for transportation in this series. It can go anywhere on the planet… it just cannot go off the planet. Honestly I do not ever want to see any mode of transportation that allows this (especially a bird- that would be especially horrifying). What’s more, I own this bird. I fed and bred him (yes, mine was male) and now I can travel as someone who squawks as opposed to traveling with someone who squawks.

Well, now we have handed out the flavor awards for the FF series. Before we get to the final tally, let’s check out which game was victorious in this section:

Here are the current standings:

Final Fantasy 7 is our winner there, but who’s the overall winner? Before that’s officially announced (not like you are unable to scroll to the bottom and skip this little drivel) I’d like to point out a couple of loose threads. I am aware that there are probably certain aspects of the FF series that were left out. I thought about tossing in other awards including token wet blanket, most twisted plot, coolest town, best dungeon, and so on. These items, and others, were not as important to me as the ones that were judged. I could take some more time and dive more in depth, but I think I’ve taken up enough time. Well, I guess I’ve put it off long enough. And now, for the grand prize, here are the final results….

And there you have it! I hope all this was worth reading for you. Sure, I have probably enraged plenty of people with the scores I’ve given out. I admit there was some very unorthodox thinking going on here and I should probably iron out the extras that I’ve fawned over. The way I see it X provided a lot of good stuff but not quite enough flavor to place it at the top of the Final Fantasy heap. Overall the scores match my view of the series so far. Considering the wait we’ve had for XII I expect it to rival 8 for the crown, but that’s a story for another time.

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