The Gamer’s Quagmire: 2nd Edition
- Jamison DeLorenzo

Gaming, humor, and insanity in harmony

Not much time has passed since the launch of the XBox 360. For many people that means loads of indifference, endless fawning over the PS3 or the Revolution, scrambling (quite unlike unshelled eggs) after for a new TV, camping outside a store for weeks in the desperate hopes of being far enough in line, or waiting for your pre-order to come in. It should come to nobody’s surprise that the graphics are the major compelling reason to go out and get one of these shiny new consoles.

The reactions to the launch of this console have covered a wide range of reactions, most of which are very amusing to me. Some people, including myself, saw the launch of the console as not a whole lot more than one huge social experiment. Keep that in mind as it’s important in trying to understand why I view mostly everything as a massive sarcastic prick. Although it is not always a fun job sometimes it has to be done. In the case of the 360’s launch it was necessary in order to maintain a level head when trying to figure out the key component- is purchasing a 360 worth it?

About two weeks before the launch pretty much everyone in my circle of gaming friends was asking the same question- “are you getting a 360?” As it turned out I had no interest in jumping the gun at the launch even with some very enticing launch titles looming. Why would I do such a thing? I did not want the console until I became a proud owner of an HDTV. I don’t have satellite TV for the same reason, so getting one and not the other would have been nothing more than a case of hypocrisy and a major logistical lapse.

Sure, any gamer has every right to question why someone who loves games so much would pass up on the console. In the past I have gone after every console at launch. I went after the SNES, Nintendo 64, PS2, and XBox. Lack of parental funding prevented immediate pickup of the PS1 is the only blemish on an otherwise spotless record. A new TV, entertainment center and console would cost a lot of money. After the launch we have seen reports of random crashing that many people attribute to an overheating issue. Don’t you wish companies would learn from their past mistakes?

Overheating was found to be a problem with the first XBox- eventually we were all notified by Microsoft that we had a nice new power supply coming if we wanted it. Just as the console was oversized and ready for a hideous design award so too was the replacement power supply. Why this hasn’t been fixed yet is a mystery to me. Doesn’t anyone test anymore? Another legacy issue with the console, albeit not a problem for the consumer, is that Microsoft is again selling the console at a loss. It could be a risk worth taking when trying to gain market penetration, but when you sell hardware with reported hardware issues at a loss you have to start to question the competency of the XBox 360 design team. It is true that the new console looks nice, but the difference between an overheating obese console and an overheating sleek console is how pretty the fire looks.

To this day I still have my PS2 which happens to be part of the first group of consoles shipped to the North American market. Considering the number of people who have had hardware failures with that console over time either I’m one of the few people that didn’t abuse their console or a fair amount of luck was involved. Not being someone who reacts well to hardware failures that was very fortunate for my neighborhood. Why bring this up now? The answer is simple- because I can and because hardware failures (including overheating CPU’s) are being reported by several websites. Is this just another one of those luck of the draw cases or is there a real problem with the console?

Granted, if hardware failures are more than just isolated cases then perhaps there is a problem regardless of your victim status in the matter. Hard drives, crashes, and overheating have all been reported. I told you hard drives in consoles were bad. I told you power consumption in consoles was bad. You didn’t believe me. Why didn’t you believe me? Crashing is an interesting concern because those are hard to isolate. Is the console crashing the result of derelict programming, misguided I/O, or even overheating? It’s all very disconcerting. But not to me- I don’t own one yet.

Remember that weird bunch of nutcases running around stating that Microsoft had the upper hand because they were first to launch? Yeah, well aside from the whole Dreamcast launching first argument, we now have another case where first to launch may not mean a whole heck of a lot. You have to love these people waiting outside of a store at 10 pm in the rain to get their hands on a console. These people are what you call the social fanboys- the rest hide in chat rooms strutting around (can it be possible to hide and strut at the same time?) secretly hoping that typing using 1337 gives them the upper hand in an argument.

It is always much harder to get a positive reputation in any environment than get a negative one. Unfortunately it looks like the next generation of console gaming is starting off on the wrong foot. It’s not like I want the console to fail. I know enough people on Live whereby a 360 collapse would not be a good thing. I’ve seen enough trailers from launch titles that make me want to own one in the not-too-distant future. I also happen to like a wide variety of gaming despite the birth of inner gaming child arriving with a veritable bonanza of titles that only existed on the Super Nintendo. Essentially I do want one of these new consoles eventually, but right now there are too many other quality games competing for my attention.

Those of you not paying attention to the 360’s launch don’t know about the console shortage that has been forced upon us, but even if the shipments were not as prohibitive because the consoles would still be hard to come by. Other people interested in social experiments executed a brilliant one with the launch. The people over at the aptly-named smashmybox.com got near the front of the line at a 360 retailer, opened up the box in public view and smashed it to pieces. As you can imagine it offended plenty of people. Not me though- schadenfreude was my friend that day.

Naturally the whole point of this exercise, aside from living up to their name, was to get a reaction from people. To some it’s nothing more than a form of entertainment. When you joke with people about driving out to their house just to smack them for making a stupid comment it is easy to derive pleasure out of moments like these. It is even easier when message boards start being back loaded with responses. One of the reasons I loved this experiment is because I love experiments like these. I would have been laughing right in front of other horrified onlookers even if I had to wade through as much filth as Andy Dufresne to escape Shawshank to get my hands on one.

It is quite easy to understand frustration and anger as smashing a new console could be deemed as heresy. Even if I got my hands on one it wouldn’t bother me that much. If I was the one cheated out of one, well, that’s my decision to stand outside hoping and praying rather than placing a pre-order and waiting for it to arrive in the comfort of my own home. Feel free to follow the links if you want to see some of the posts. Some of them are quite vulgar and descriptive. The best example is the one that talks about castration as a proper retaliation and how this shouldn’t be tolerated. Okay, I’m not sure how castration enters the picture with consoles unless you plan to install a different OS on one.

Look, I am all for unique and severe punishments but at least think rationally about it. Smash one of their servers with a sledge if that makes you feel better. Just be ready for a damage claim and perhaps a jolt from smashing an electronic device that’s operational. Go over to one of their houses and smash a console, although they may video tape and use it for their own ends (that is the crux of their existence after all). Stop your whining. Stop your bellyaching. This isn’t some new trend sweeping the nation. This isn’t someone trying to mass market a new product. This isn’t the result of some new law. This is nothing more than some people messing with your heads and it is obviously working. Honestly if I were them I would be trolling XBox sites encouraging people to get angry about this just to increase the fervor.

Perhaps blame does need to be pinned on someone here. More often than not it does provide people with some sense of comfort. Tell you what- if you want to blame someone for destroying a console you may want to look at Microsoft because if they do not resolve these hardware issues that appear to be plaguing the console then the death of the 360 won’t be from a sledgehammer. Instead it will be from a lack of use.

So between a console shortage, HD capabilities, possible power supply issues with overheating, and an optional hard drive preventing true backwards compatibility we have had on interesting console launch. So when asked what I plan to do about the new console, I simply quote a classic Van Halen song “I’ll wait”:

You’ve got me captured; I’m under your spell
I guess I’ll never learn
I have your console; yes I know it well
Another outlet’s burned
Is this for real? It’s so hard to tell
From an analog TV
Yeah, you’re just vile and the picture sells
Look what that does to me

I’ll wait till your cost comes down
I’m scared ’bout the heat of your parts
No way you can sell me now
As hot as you are

I wrote a letter and told them these words
That meant a lot to me
I never sent it, they wouldn’t have cared
Though their eyes follow me
And while it’s on I can never be free
Such great technology!

I’ll wait till your cost comes down
I’m scared ’bout the heat of your parts
No way you can sell me now
As hot as you are

You can’t imagine what this image means
The pixels come alive
Your magic greets everyone who sees
Heartbreak over the hard drive
Is this for real, it’s so hard to tell
From an analog TV
Yeah, you’re just vile and the picture sells
Look what that does to me

I’ll wait till your cost comes down
I’m scared ’bout the heat of your parts
No way you can sell me now
As hot as you are

I’ll wait till your cost comes down
I’m scared ’bout the heat of your parts
No way you can sell me now
As hot as you are

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