The Gamer’s Quagmire: 1st Edition
- Jamison DeLorenzo

Gaming, humor, and insanity in harmony

Nothing like starting off with a bang! Before getting the ball rolling in a non-Sisyphus fashion I’d like to welcome everyone to the inaugural installment of this column. I don’t expect this will be a collected commodity as successful comic books but I do hope to obtain a solid fan base. Let me tell you what’s going on here before we get to the meat.

Being an addicted gamer since the Atari 2600 I’ve been a gamer for pretty much my whole life. I may have even had an Atari in the womb but it’s difficult to recall that information. What I do is look at games, games in the news, trends, or anything game-related and put together some interesting quips. I’ve been writing rants like these for over four years and the length of these always seems to vary, although today’s installment is a lot bigger than the norm.

To warn you occasionally when there is nothing really interesting is developing I tend to morph into a gaming version of Weird Al Yankovic and transmute some song lyrics. In order words: I’m completely insane, but now I have some more web space.

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Video games have been suffering from a very bad rap lately. Somehow video games have become one of the vilest substances on the planet. It is especially appalling when people attack these games out of ignorance because judging something you don’t understand is tantamount to fundamentalism. It is in our human nature to fear things we do not understand and FDR isn’t around anymore to help us out with that.

What I see is a nasty three-headed hydra plaguing the video game industry. We have people who choose to dislike video games simply because of a stigma society has placed on them. We have people who try to legislate against the video game industry because they want to handle it as if it were a Level 5 biohazard. We also have people who choose to claim that video games are inferior in every way to other forms of expression such as movies, books, or music- so much so that people don’t even consider video games as a viable art form. If there is a modern day Hercules that is ready to step forth and slay this problem that would be the best thing in the world for the video game industry.

As it stands the video game industry is larger than the movie industry. Movies are enjoyed at some point by almost every American while video games are definitely only for a smaller percentage of society. Granted, this number is growing rapidly, but the percentage of people who will play a video game versus watch a movie is low. Imagine how the profit margin could be affected with a much larger market penetration. I am not trying to give an economics lecture though. The main point here is that despite how much money the gaming industry rakes in it is still considered to be a counter-culture item.

Will I complain about not enough people playing video games? So long as the majority of people in this country remain overwhelmingly ignorant about video games I will. The way I see it that will be for at least another 20 years- which means I won’t be completely bored before the next Final Fantasy release. A lot of critics, politicians, and, most importantly, parents have no idea what video games can provide for children. Kids in the 70’s received guns and bow and arrow sets as gifts and those are still quite legal, so why in the 21st century video games are constantly under attack from every angle is quite confusing.

(By the way, the term vast majority needs to go away. Any adjective relating to large in front of majority needs to go away. I am officially pleading with all columnists, writers, commentators, etc. to stop using it. By definition majority is talking about the largest group of people in the pool you are referring to. There’s nothing wrong with using 80% of people or whatever, but from now on if you keep using redundant adjectives in your opinions I’m going to find you and strangle you)

The first dragon’s head, people avoiding video games because they’re video games, is the most difficult head to slay. At least this is usually an even-tempered ignorance. These people don’t want to know anything about video games and they are happy to leave it at that. I know that gaming can be a waste of time but I have fun doing it. And when it helps me wind down at the end of the day and helps relieve some stress it can hardly be considered a waste of time. Hey, I just started a good argument for video games being a part of a healthy lifestyle! Well, anyway, the point is that those wishing to ignore video games may do so- they don’t bother me. Unfortunately there are too many people that do bother me.

Lately Roger Ebert has gone on record stating that video games are simply an inferior form of story telling because video game developers are letting the user define the story (or some similar specious reasoning). This may seem out of place but he has every right to say this as he did have to review the recent movie Doom. I don’t even know if he liked the movie or not. I could not possibly care less on this issue. It would not surprise me in the least if he could not get into the story for Doom because the video game Doom has no story. Okay, in the latest game you have to investigate some space station somewhere. Yippee. The details are not relevant in the slightest because people don’t purchase Doom for the story. People purchase Doom because they are slaves to flashy graphics in a first person shooter.

(Hmm, that’s another one. People- I’m going on record as stating that when you say “I could care less” you are saying absolutely nothing. This has bugged me for a very long time. The Pope could care less about religion because, well, he cares a lot at the moment. It’s kind of his job if you know what I mean. I am willing to bet you that there are atheists, on the other hand, who could not care less about religion. See the difference?)

Is this famous critic right or is he simply ignorant? Like books and movies, there are video games that tell good stories, video games that tell stories in a very shaky way, and there are video games with almost no story. Mindless action films can be very good movies and I happily watch them. Did you go see any of Jean Claude Van Damme’s movies because the story sounded interesting or did you go because the action looked good, the fighting looked intense, and explosions were hypnotic? FPS’s are the video game equivalent of an action movie. If you want to play a video game were you lose yourself in the story play something like Final Fantasy 7, Silent Hill, Knights of the Old Republic, or ICO. Even Vice City has a compelling story, and that’s something you never hear from the media.

No, I am not going to try and sell the idea that people play GTA: Vice City because of the character development or the story, but they are in the game and that is one of the reasons why that is my favorite of the last 3 GTA games for the PS2. I just so happen to be mature enough to handle the violence in the game. It’s not because I am over 20 or because I have seen it before. My parents instilled great values in me while I was growing up. You would really be amazed what you can learn in Martial Arts class. There you are taught some very powerful fighting techniques but you only use them in self defense. Parenting is a long and complicated road. It is the toughest job for many reasons- and probably the best is the parents do not get paid (well, unless you raise a very successful athlete, entertainer, or maybe even a doctor).

The National Institute on the Media and Family, possibly created to help hapless families deal with censoring entertainment, is part of the second head and perhaps the most dangerous. Surrounding the hoopla of GTA and the latest bill from politicians in their continuing quest for legislating parenting they have more to raise a stink about. Just in time for the holiday season we have two new M-rated games coming out involving the wholesome topic of cannibalism. Not that it matters a whole lot, but the games are F.E.A.R. and Stubbs the Zombie. Stubbs is a perfect name for a creature that feeds on human limbs- I don’t know why critics never mention these things. Fans of the Blood Rayne should fall into the targeted demographic as vampires in the video game world are effectively nothing more than bloodthirsty cannibals (which is fine, just don’t expect to see any endorsements from Bela Lugosi).

Let’s go back to Final Fantasy VII for a moment. This game has such a compelling story it is hard not to use it as the poster child for why video games should be considered to have better stories than a lot of movies. Video games can have fantastic stories and this fact is independent of the overall game content. Not only is the background story in this game interesting but the character interactions and their development help drive the game in a way that very few big budget RPG’s have done. I played through this game multiple times because the story is riveting and I still get excited about what’s coming around the corner. If you play this game with the lights out and the music up you cannot avoid being engrossed in the story. The music raises the game to a very high level. Every time Sephiroth’s music is playing in that game you cannot avoid your skin starting to crawl as you worry about what’s going to happen next. The music captures the mood of the game perfectly. The best movies will do this too. What they will not do is inexplicably throw in a 1970’s disco song because the movie needs to be more appealing to baby boomers.

Because the most graphic games have never had much appeal to me I had not seen much of what the video game industry was churning out in terms of gore. Those of you looking for creative slaughterhouse imagery should appreciate the previous sentence. Let me apologize to the vegetarians who may have abruptly stopped reading this article for not being sensitive. Anyway, recently Filter (a superb gaming show on G4TV if you don’t know of it) just had a segment on the industry’s most gory games. I was quite surprised by what I saw, although God of War being near the top of the list was far from surprising. This is another example of a fun game that is filled with incredibly violent imagery. If any kids under the age of 17 are playing this game their parents/guardians should be ashamed of themselves. Those of you unfamiliar with that game should think of it as an M-rated version of Rygar. On second thought referencing a very obscure game probably didn’t help all that much. Eh, moving on.

Games like Resident Evil 4 most definitely push the envelope in the gore department. This was the first game in the series that I have enjoyed (thankfully now I’m referencing a game you have heard of). In fact this is the first game in the survival/horror genre that makes me want to give it some more chances. It is also one game that is definitely not for children. I am sure it is possible for kids at the age of 16 to become desensitized to violence but that’s not a decision for me to make. If gory horror movies are going to have an R rating then it should be okay for games of a similar nature should have that M rating on them. Whatever keeps games like these on the market works for me. What you have to wonder is what’s going to happen once the extremely violent games start becoming popular on the consoles with HD capabilities.

What was surprising is that Midway’s Blitz game is now on our questionable materials list. If the rating on the box didn’t say ‘M’ I would just assume the latest version was just another lame arcade football game. You have to wonder why the game now features prostitution and drugs until remembering that EA is trying to monopolize the professional sports market and currently has an exclusive NFL license. Can’t somebody incorporate this angle into a formal petition and claim that EA’s tactics are anti-competitive and harmful to children’s health? Hey, do not try to pin this on me. If “professionals” are going to attempt this argument I’ll confiscate it for my own agenda.

I’ve beaten to death the responsibility horse too many times (that’s conjuring some interesting imagery…). What’s bothersome is that despite the dragon head of video games being attacked in the media and the courtroom we have the dragon head of critics claiming that the video games are less compelling that movies, books, or even television. If the “experts” in the entertainment industry are on record stating that video games are not nearly as persuasive as movies or television then why do they receive most of the bad press? I was forced to endure watching a nude Kevin Bacon, people being drugged and shot, and Denise Richards and Neve Campbell making out in an ‘R’ rated movie called Wild Things but somehow the hack someone unlocked in a 800×600 resolution game is more detrimental to children. Okay, I am not going to complain about seeing Denise Richards and Neve Campbell having some fun but the message is loud and clear- why is the entertainment industry loaded with ignoramuses and hypocrites?

How critics all over the entertainment industry can claim that video games are not a viable form of art is nothing more than pure ignorance and maybe even a dash of severe egotism. Many games may not be fun and some of them may be overtly graphic but they are still art. Paintings, sculptures, and movies are not without from graphic detail either. Are these no longer art forms too? Should Justin Timberlake no longer be considered an artist just because he is unable to produce any quality music?

Okay, bad example.

Still, take my word for it- video games are just a viable an art form as any other digital medium. They have stories, characters, and music. The only difference is they have a much better way to draw an audience in- the audience gets to drive the story. This dragon head needs to be slain more than any other. Once that’s out of the way all of the negative press that video games receive will at least on some level be justified. I can take the weird looks and snickering when I tell people I play video games as my way of having fun- what I cannot take is the overt ignorance that tries to keep my favorite form of entertainment down.

Reports in the media of the gaming industry being attacked by politicians are starting to get boring and more irritating at the same time. It’s the same message every time. I am glad that parents are starting to wake up to what games their kids are playing (although they probably only do it because the media is telling them to) and that stores are starting to enforce the ratings despite these ratings in the legal sense being nothing more than guidelines at this point. Maybe the gamers of the world have to put up with nonsense for a little while for the right thing to happen. At least that’s what I hope.

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